“You’re not my mother!” – spoiled child ruining relationship

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“You’re not my mother!” – spoiled child ruining relationship


Dear Willie:
I have been with my boyfriend for over four years now and my relationship has been rocky for awhile, but we have managed to keep it together.

Our most recent problem is that his child has no respect for me. Over the years when I’ve tried to discipline him, he would say stuff like I am not his mother, his father’s house is not mine, I can’t do him anything because his mom will get upset and come after me, or he don’t like me.

I have complained to the father so many times but to no avail. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want him to lay his hands on his kid, but a simple lecture would show that he’s trying, but I don’t get the time of day. All I get is the excuse ‘he’s a child’ and this ‘lil boy is 11’.

When I get upset because he does nothing, he will say that I don’t like his child (which is not the case).

I have my own child and when she does something wrong I discipline her in front of him, because I feel that it is important for a child to respect elders. I want to know what you think about this situation and what I should do.

Please help me!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Miss: I would have encouraged you to slap the *** out of this child, but that’s just a fantasy I would not advise.

A lot of parents here spoil their children, so much that children often verbally and physically abuse them in public. During my childhood, it was like an abomination to disrespect anyone older, especially my stepfather. Once you cross the line, you will never attempt to cross it again. But not with a lot of children here. The parents do not know how to discipline the children effectively. They’re too soft and lame.

And when their children get into problems, they’re the first to run come and open their holes in their faces. It is sickening.

I have personally made a vow never to date anyone with a rude and vicious child. If your child cannot love and respect me, I will not love and respect your child. And if you cannot contain or control your child’s behaviour then you have no respect for me. That’s how I view such a situation.

People love to say, “Oh if you want me, if you want to love me, you must love my child too”. Of course, I agree wholeheartedly. But if your child is rotten like old eggs, and you’re not doing anything about it, then goodbye, or better yet, no thanks, not interested. Fix your child’s manners before you try to advocate love from someone new or a potential partner in your life.

I saw where you said that you don’t want him to hit his child. Come on. That’s ridiculous. Why are you protecting this rude kid from being disciplined by his father? That’s contradictory. I am not saying he should beat the child to a pulp but children deserve to be put in place physically or verbally when they get out of line.

Good parenting starts at home, not at school or with the government. When our children act like brats, commit crimes, and embarrass us in public, we blame the police, the government and the school. But truth is, the parenting is the problem most of the times.

I have seen children spit and hit strangers and all the parents do is laugh and say “don’t do that baby.” Not with my mother, she would do some Jet Li on the child.

I know the child advocates will be appalled by my response, but I know these advocates – some of them – are slapping the urine out of their kids. Some are hypocrites. I am 100% sure you’re writing me because you have already tried to reach out kindly to this child.

Look, if this man don’t want to do something about this kid, do what’s best for you.

You definitely do not deserve this bull—-.

Willie

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54 COMMENTS

  1. I was in that same situation years back . but we were married . i made him bring me respect i didn't care what his mother or father said. She didn't dear come to confront me. I made him straight like a pin. Then other Lol started liking him. Now his mom has him. Back to square one. Not at my home with Ur nasty manners. Stay at Ur mother

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  2. Every time he answers, ONE SLAP, when the mother comesTWO F.....kin slaps. And when the father comes THREE mother f....kin slaps. And am out the door. Leave the two idiots to raise their ill mannered little bastard. He don't love u hunny.he prefers his kid over u.

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  3. As a product of step parents on both ends I can say that sometimes children are disrespectful to the step parent out of loyality to the biological parent.I loved my step father cause he was an amazing man and treated my mother well and I cared less about my step mother as I was not close to my father. It takes more than just the father but also the child's mother to let him know that he needs to have respect for the step mother. Maybe its' a situation where the mother speaks ill of the step parent to or in the presence of the child. The father needs to talk to both the child and his estranged spouse and seek peace in this matter. Unless he enjoys the drama or is scared of the child's mother, then I say take your four years babe and move on. Step child drama is not worth it.

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  4. This is a big boy who understands clearly and is fully aware of his behaviour. His behaviour is being reinforced by his father who has failed to correct him and in so doing is encouraging him to disrespect you. This young boy is being raised in the wrong way and if such behaviour is not corrected immediately, it may have consequences for his adult life.

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  5. since he is not your child.... its the dad responsibility to disciple him....and your responsibility to discipline yours....I blame the father for not disciplining the child...

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  6. Well said Willie. Many parents do not know what it means to discipline their kids.The Bible clearly defines the role of parents regarding discipline. For instance, Ephesians 6:4 says: “You, fathers, do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of God.” This scripture mentions particularly the father as the one who should take the lead in caring for his children. The mother, of course, works alongside her husband.In the Bible discipline is closely associated with training, instruction, and knowledge on the one hand, and with reproof, correction, and punishment on the other hand. Its natural application is in the sphere of child training.” Thus, discipline goes far beyond reprimands; it includes all the training that children need to thrive.
    No relationship is perfect. Speak to your partner about your concerns, you both need to think about the outcome with this child and his future!

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  7. Lady its all drawn out,the mother of the boy is the one masterminding his behavior.She wants the man back so she's using her son to get to u,by being rude and insultive to fustrate u.I am a young man in my early twentys in a similar situation but it is the other way around I am with a woman 6yrs older than me she has 2 girls ages (12 an 7) the older daughter is rude cause her telling her not to listen to me and she will say I am not her father so don't tell her what to do under my roof I am the one taking care of those children their fathers not giving nothing.

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  8. Hi...
    I believe in a child respecting elders and beatings carried most of us a long way through life. This however,should no longer be our first method like we know. What we must carry forward is that we no longer live in those ancient days where beating was always the answer, For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.Try and reach out to this child emotionally, physically and mentally. Try to derive reasons why his behavior is of such sort. He is probably still just having a hard time adapting and knowing that his parents are not together. As you can see the father is not fully for you because he knows his responsibility as a father.Now you sweetheart, it is your duty to help and understand that child. children in relationships are tough. If this doesn't work, you have to take a step and step out reaching an area where you feel like the woman that you are. It is obvious that the dad is not going to do anything Never leave yourself behind to satisfy or pleasure one's feelings.

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  9. I suspect that the child's mother is encouraging this child to behave in this manner. She has already promised to defend him at all cost. It's a case of "if I can't have him you can't neither". That man has no respect for you and has placed his child first. It's a case of "take it or leave it". It's your choice. However, the child's behavior can be inverted with love and tenderness.

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  10. Alot of us to causing children to disrespect us cause in da beginning of da relationship u have show dat child how it is I was with a man dat had a child like dat he started disrespecting u no wat I did I pull him up n told him am not his age dor take me for his papi show I had to tell him more dan once I showed him I ment it with da tone of voice I gave n da look he had to stop I love children but u not going to bring ur rude ness to me

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  11. Some of u all ring by saying u must stay out of relationship where ur padner already have kids cause I have two grown boys n thier big breed children so dat means my bf looks like a child by dem n not for once have day ever disrespect him n I always asked dem to speak their minds but day must do it with respect n my relationship is going jus fine its how u raise ur children u raise dem to respect day self n others

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  12. I had the same problem wit my husband's son he did'nt have any respect 4 me. He wud call me sutty n salop n tell me he dont knw y is me is dad is wit. His mom is the one fulling his head saying dont eat nun from me n stuff . I warned his dad for him and i asked him to plzzzz warn his babymuda. The child and i arent close but we kool. His dad always say i dont luv the child but this isnt da case the child has noo respect 4 me.

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  13. good thing i have a no children policy, tried it already and trust me sometimes it aint worth it. However, if you really want to make this work, i think his father has a big role to play.

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  14. There are three sides to every story you have not mentioned any instance where you tried to have a positive relationship with this child. You speak only of discipline. I have been a step child and was abused and mistreated and I was not ill disciplined but my mother put her man before me and never saw the truth until it was too late and now I don't care for her to be around me. If you have been around the child from the time he was seven years old and the relationship is negative and does not improve tihink about whether this is a situation you can live with for the rest of your life and whether you love his father enough to bear this burden. Because when he is an adult it will get worse

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  15. Well said Willie! Some people who have kids do not know how to be parents and it is quite sad. If a child believes that he or she is a big man or woman, trust me, i will treat him/her like one. It just went down hill past 1980. Children having children. Sad.

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  16. The home is the first "school" which a child attends. Some parents pretending like they don't know that their child is not disciplined. And they sometimes feel no one should tell them how to raise their child. Then when that child commits a crime they on TV saying " He was a good boy". Ok then!

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  17. good thing dis shit dont happen in my world no respect go at ur mother home daddy anit sayin nun well ill let his child no wat time it it but on the other hand sum parents do tell da child wat to say since dey cant get da man

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  18. It's never a good idea to start a relationship with some who already has children especially if you don't have any. Children always complicate relationship dynamics.