Ok here’s my situation: I am still in love with the man that I hurt. You see, we were in a relationship for over two years and I take blame for us not being together today, you see I CHEATED! Yes I know a lot of you will comment and say that I got what I deserved but there isn’t a day that I don’t apologize for what I did and try to make things right between us!
It was just one stupid slip up and it all came about because of a heated argument between us and I found comfort in talking to a male close friend of mine. But that’s just the tip of the ice berg. I’m really confused right now. You see since that muck up, he has forgiven me (I think) and we have ended the relationship and remained as friends, as some say “friends with benefits”; we practically still do the same things we were doing before but as he says we’re not together I’m single, he’s single, and I must admit I do find myself getting jealous at times when he tells me he’s going to the movies with a friend or when he sleeps over and his phone rings and he is on BB messenger. It hurts because I know that it’s a woman that he is communicating with.
I cook, clean, wash. When this man doesn’t get paid, sometimes weekly I give him my WHOLE pay check so that he can be happy. I give this man sex the way he wants it. I would do everything for this man, but lately I am feeling as if I am being used!!!
I have even tried going out with other guys but I am so numb to them. The slightest touch of another man repulses me. I can’t stand it. I don’t know what else to do. I have tried leaving him alone, not calling, not texting him, just to try to get over him but all I do is get depressed and cry every night. I even found myself taking at least six to eight painkillers to sleep sometimes. It’s like I’ve enslaved myself to him and don’t know how to leave. Please help me, I want to be happy again with a man that will cherish me and appreciate me (even though he does).
I won’t talk bad about this man either because like I said I would do everything for him. He also in turn would do anything for me. This man does my laundry EVERY weekend. I mean c’mon lol, he cooks for me also when I work on weekends, and brings my lunch or dinner to me. But what I don’t get is why he doesn’t want to get back with me. It has been nine months, do people hold on to things that long? Do you think the reason he doesn’t want to get back, he is afraid of getting hurt again?
Really need your quick response on this one.
Slave to love
Dear Slave to Love:
I am glad you decided to write, sometimes getting another perspective helps. Also, simply seeing it written in black and white may make it less complicated and a bit clearer for you. You seem to be sincere in your regret of your cheating and have communicated this to him. It is now up to him to accept it fully. Remember, having a close friend of the opposite sex puts one in a situation where the lines can be crossed. Be mindful of this.
Yes, you get jealous possibly because you still have feelings for him. Are you being used? Only he has the answer to that. You may want to ask yourself, “What are you getting in return?” Remember my definition of a relationship: a mutually benefiting association. Being the friend with benefits allows him to still have all of the luxuries of a romantic relationship, but because there is not the understanding or label or commitment on either of you, should you be with another, the hurt factor would not be an issue for him.
You seem to know your options – leave or stay. The question is, which can you tolerate? You seem to want more than you have, but you say what you have is actually good, but not good enough. The trust has been broken for him, but he too does not seem to know how to let go of you.
The longer you remain as “friends with benefits”, there will be no reason to address a committed relationship of mutual monogamy. Be honest with yourself and him. What do you want and what do you not want? Communicating your thoughts may be the first step to finding normalcy.
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