Dear Willie: I don’t usually confide in people but the fact that I don’t know you is a bit comforting. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years, married for seven and have a five-year-old child together.
Willie, the past 12 years of my life was amazing, the night he proposed to me was the night I realised that I have the perfect man and I vowed to be the perfect bride. As we both know no one is perfect, but I swear our life is perfect. I am faithful to him, I cook for him, clean for him, take care of him and treat him how a queen must treat her king; he treats me like a queen in return.
Lately I noticed a slight changed in his behavior: he comes home later than usual and eats a lot less now. Being the good woman that I am I didn’t ask him anything about the change in his behaviour because I didn’t want to have an uncalled for argument.
Every six months I clean out his underwear drawer to surprise him with new ones – out with the old and in with the new. He gets excited each time and puts on a show to show me how they each fit.
Cleaning out the drawer this time, I found some condoms and women’s jewelry. How strange is that? I know the condoms are not for me because in our seven years of marriage we never use a condom and I know the jewelry is not for me because I am a Seventh Day Adventist and I don’t wear jewelry.
Willie, I was so upset that I stood there in front the dresser jumping to conclusions. I figured out he’s seeing someone else and that’s the reason he’s coming home later and eating less; he must be eating somewhere else. I hoped that he had a logical reasoning towards my findings.
I threw out his old boxers and placed the new ones in as planned, and put the jewelry and condoms on top so that he will see that I saw them. When my husband got home that evening I was in the living room watching news, I kept my calm and acted normal.
He sat by me and together we watched the remaining news. He then got up and asked me to join him in shower but I was so upset that I refused. When he finished his bath I went upstairs to the room to see his reaction.
Willie, he acted like he did not notice the new boxers nor the condoms and jewelry. Now am extra mad because I did not get my show or an explanation. I felt like removing my boxers on him but I managed to control my anger.
It’s been two weeks and he has barely spoken to me. Now am furious because he won’t even try to talk to me. Willie I am not the nagging type and I never accused my husband of cheating on me. I really don’t want to be the first to bring up the conversation between us, which I know will result in an argument. I am tired of the silence between my husband and I so therefore I need some advice.
Should I ask him about my findings? Should I automatically assume that he’s cheating? Or Should I continue to live in silence?
Tired of the Silence
Dear Miss: You went about the situation the wrong way. You probably felt it was the best way to avoid an all-out confrontation, however it yielded nothing.
Silence from either party achieves nothing. That is not effective communication.
Obviously, he wants to avoid an argument (typical men). However, it is in your right to get answers.
So what to do? Whenever he gets home and is relaxed, ask for a few minutes of his time. Tell him what you discovered and ask him for an explanation. Also state that you’re not looking for an argument, you just want the truth.
What baffles me though is where he had the condoms and jewelry. Why would he put them there knowing your routine? My guess is that a woman was in ya’ll apartment and she possibly left it there so that you could find out and break the relationship apart.
Women are notorious for appearing to forget their personal items at men’s places. Most times it is their IMMATURE way, as the jabal, of sending a message to the girlfriend or wifey. It’ not a good message either.
Don’t be furious. He got married to you for a reason. Just have a talk with him. The longer the silence, the deeper the tensions and the end-result will be more damaging.
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