What if the baby is not mine?

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What if the baby is not mine?

Dear Dr. Cindy: My girlfriend and I broke up recently over my insistence that she does a DNA test to find out if the child we are parenting belongs to me.

I made this known long before the child was born and she claimed she had no problem because she knows the child is mine. But she is now singing a different tune now that the baby is here. She said it makes no sense being with a man who doesn’t trust her and that I am trying to shame her, making her seem like a slut.

I told her she has cheated on me before, and though we overlooked that because I was also guilty, I want to do it.

Dr. Cindy should I continue taking care of this child when I am not sure it belongs to me?

DDJ

Dear DDJ:

Sorry to hear that given the conflict of the child’s paternity, you and your girlfriend broke up.

Your insistence to have a DNA test conducted is not unusual, if you believe you have just cause to request one. The previous infidelity on the part of your girlfriend seemed to cause you to doubt the paternity of the child.  Additionally, trust was broken because of this as well.

From what you have presented, your concern seems to be the paternity of the child and taking care of a child that may not be your biological child. Unfortunately, both parties may not agree to a DNA test, hence one finds themself in the situation of asking what to do.

The answer to your question of whether or not you should take care of a child that may not belong to you remains with you. I suspect there may be other factors involved that you have not presented here. How do you feel about the child, have you created a bond with the child?

These may be some of the questions you may want to ask yourself, when deciding what to do. If, however, you are adamant that you will not  and do not want to take care of a child who does not belong to you, despite any other factors, I suggest seeking legal counsel for how you may address the issue; as the paternity seems to be what you want to know.

Best Wishes,
Dr. Cindy

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9 COMMENTS

  1. Brother, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, my God, it is a duck. Take the test bcuz if you find out later on in life that the child isn't yours, you will very much regret it.

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  2. If you think the baby isn't urs then demand a dna test, if she don't wanna legalise the test then you have half ur answer already,ask her why she afraid of the test, n be careful i've heard when the kid ain't urs he/she uses more pampers n milk lolololol

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  3. i agree with u for wanting to take the test but not feeling u on asking if u should continue taking care of the child. be a man n do ur part even though ure in doubt, she was ur girlfriend anyway. God wont leave u in the dark, the truth will come to light.

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    • Easy for you to say..Its you women who make men feed children for 18 Yrs knowing the child is not his...do you think its fare to pay a mortgage for 15yrs on a piece of property only to find out it belongs to your neighbor when you are done...To my bro...do the test..if th child is yours take care of your baby..if its not...RUN...cuz that woman just start doing you things..

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  4. If you really wanted to get to the bottom of it you could also have taken matters into your own hands by swabbing inside the cheeks of the child and securing the sample in a tamper proof container. You would also do the same for you and submit samples to a reputable doctor, hospital, or lab for determination of paternity. In the meantime that child's needs must be met. Being a father by blood does not trump being a daddy through a strong emotional connection, love for that baby, and having his/her best interest at heart. Sometimes the risk you take by caring for that child will be it's greatest reward. Lavie dwoll.

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  5. I SO AGREE WITH U JAN PLS CHECK UR LAWYER OUT IF THE CHILD IS YOURS AND SHE SO SURE WHY A DIFFERENT SONG NOW?

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  6. DDJ.....If you are St.Lucian; you should know that a DNA test is a must. Because if you are caring for this child not knowing if it is yours......According to our laws in St.Lucia whether or not you are that childs biological father you will continue caring for that child until she/ he is 18 if you have already started supporting this child. So Please seek legal advice from Family court or a lawyer because things are too hard in Lucia for you to be feeding a child that eh yours.......Sorry about your break up ...but reletionships are base on honesty and trust. if she is not willingly to take that test... then you must do what you have to for the child ...

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