Sugar Daddy or Mr. Real? Woman confused as to who to choose

Sugar Daddy or Mr. Real? Woman confused as to who to choose

Dear Dr. Cindy:I write this hesitantly, nonetheless I write. I know a lot of bloggers will judge but I know a lot of them doing what I have been doing. I know they may have done what I am doing.

Times are hard Dr. Cindy, no lie. We all know that.

Once I was at a supermarket in town when a wealthy businessman approached me. He is way older than me. He was very nice and pleasant. While shopping we talked and exchanged contacts.

He told me he is married but going through a divorce. Dr. Cindy I do not do married men. I let that be known from early. Straight off the bat he wanted to have a sexual relationship but I would have none of that.

One day while at work he text me a “proposal”. He said he could take care of me if I take care of him. It’s embarrassing. He proposed paying my rent, bills and groceries, and in exchange, we would have a secret relationship.

I was shocked and angry and told him to &^%@% off. I did not answer his calls for like a week. He kept apologising and asking for me to forgive him.

I was speaking to a female friend about it and to my amazement she asked why don’t I try it. I thought she was joking but she was dead serious. She explained that a lot of girls are doing this “sugar daddy” thing to get by. She says a 2,000 salary cannot make her live a comfortable life and she is also hooked on a similar arrangement with two men!!!!!

I was not interested and told her that’s nasty.

A few weeks later I lost my job and my life took a turn for the worst. No money, no job, nothing to eat. All my friends broke. I was too ashamed to ask my friend who told me to consider the sugar daddy thing. We were not really talking.

I then text my old business friend. I shamefully accepted his proposal. It’s been months now into this arrangement and its going well. I have since gotten a part-time job. I am doing this for survival and it’s going well Dr. Cindy.

My problem is this. I have been dating this guy and I really like him but he does not have money like that. He has an ordinary job and he can hardly take care of himself. But he is so sweet and affectionate.

I am worried if I cut the sugar daddy arrangement I will suffer. At the same time I do not feel right being in a relationship and still doing this arrangement. But I do not want to lose this guy. He is really trying and he is so sweet.

He tries his best to impress me with the little he has. I am really confused Dr. Cindy.

A lot may judge me but they don’t know what I am going through. It’s not easy spreading your legs for money but when hard times hit you gotta do what you gotta do. But when Mr. Real comes along what should I do?


Dear Confused:

It sounds as if you are in quite the pickle — money or Mr. Real. You stated that you do not do married men and am only in this arrangement because you lost your job and need the money.

You have, however, reported that you have since gotten a part-time job. Would this part-time job be sufficient to help you through? Also, you pointed out twice that the arrangement is “going well”. What does this mean? The problem as you presented is that the new guy that you are dating does not have money, he is sweet, but no money, and you are worried that you may suffer if you cut off “the sugar daddy.”

You seem to have two choices, keep the part-time job and try to manage financially and try at the relationship with the new guy, or continue with “the sugar daddy” and be financially okay. It appears as if you are concerned about being judged for your behaviors and may on some level be looking for someone to agree that your actions are justified, that is, you need the money.

Should someone agree, would that ease your confusion? To reduce or eliminate your confusion, I suggest you go back to your convictions; what would you do and what would you not do? Who are you as a person? Are you able to reconcile your behaviors and your thoughts?

Until then, you will always feel this dissonance or confusion because your beliefs are not matching your behaviors. I am not saying you should change your beliefs or change your behaviors. What I am saying is to be true to who you are, and who/what you want to be. Once we choose a behavior there are always consequences — good or bad. Which is more important, money or Mr. Real?

Accepting who you are, either way will allow for you to move forward with your decision without feelings of confusion or self-judgment.

Best Wishes,
Dr. Cindy

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  1. I need the email of that sugar daddy...... or does he have any friemds. Hook a sister uuuppppp


  2. Girlfriend, things are not getting any easier! Keep ur "arrangement" with ur "sugar daddy" cause it pays ur bills n ur able to live comfortably and continue seeing this "sweet broke guy" cause u know u get some good sugar from him! So itz a win win situation for u! Every man is for himself hunny! So make urself happy before u please anybody else! U weren't thr first n u dam sure won't b the last!


  3. I understand the pressures of being financial lack however the father says to call onto him for everything. And you also should honor him by paying your tithes.

    Don't feel Condemned by your actions, ask God to forgive you and restrain from it. Trust in the Lord to provide, and he will.


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