The thing is, I accepted the relationship, as it was exciting to snoop around. The sex was great. I had no problem in sharing because I didn’t feel the need to be his main.
Willie after a year, I started to feel like I needed more of his presence around me, and I started to feel jealous. Initially, he stated that he loved his child and this was his main reason for him to be with the child’s mother, but I started having doubts when he would be placing on his Whatsapp, family pics.
He would only make time for me when he is at work (his work entails lots of night shifts). We would have mind-blowing sex and then he goes back to work. We would speak on the phone, but it felt like that wasn’t enough for me. He would only tell me he loves me during sex or if he wants sex (he is a charmer). However, he said in due time we will be together; he just has to find a way to break it off with child’s mother and not hurt his daughter.
Things took a toll for the worst after I found out he was flirting with another girl, and I felt furious. I crossed the line, which I promised myself never to do. I got his girlfriend’s number and decided to spill the beans and make it known, everything that went on with us and about this other girl he was flirting with.
I wanted to hurt him as I was hurting, but now I feel like I made a huge mistake. He was mad at me. He stopped speaking to me for more than two weeks. He blocked me on Whatsapp. Now it is confirmed that he really love his woman, and was mad that I messed him up.
My thing is, if he claimed he was only there for his daughter, why would he be so mad at me? Maybe I am not seeing this correctly, but he just left me hanging.
I love him, I miss him. I miss his sex ( maybe I am addicted to his sex because it’s damn good). How do I make it right? I don’t want to be without him. If this means that I have to assume the road of a “side chick” I will, but I need him to see I was just hurting and acted foolishly. And I can’t help but think he hates me right now.
He should be happy now, not mad, as I just helped him out of the relationship with his child’s mother!! I am annoyed, confused and desperate right now.
Dear Miss: A ‘side chick’ role should never be a role anyone should be proud of. From the time a woman agrees to play this role, she is degrading herself – her reputation and her worth. It’s close to being a prostitute.
And no sensible man will ever respect you or view you as a potential ‘main chick’. Rarely they do.
No woman should endeavour to be a side chick, because most women do NOT play this role well long-term. Once sex comes into play, a woman becomes an emotional roller coaster. Forget her words: “Don’t worry, just the sex, am fine in this role.” Believe it or not, sooner or later she is going to become attached, jealous, and aspiring to become Miss Main. Often times, she will fail, and become a real b*** – to the detriment of everyone.
In this matter, you accepted your role and played it well, until…. Yes, it usually does not last.
He was naive in believing you would continue to play this role perfectly. When he realised you were becoming emotionally attached, and you began to ask for more, he had to find a way to let you not feel bad. He knew if he had said, “Hey, I don’t love you, I have no feelings for you. It’s just the sex I want,” he would have lost you. He didn’t want this good side dish go to waste. THAT’S WHY he lied, by telling you he was only with the woman because of his daughter. That was just a lie to keep you in check, so he could continue to enjoy the free meat.
Now, you got jealous and acted (as expected) out of emotions when he began to flirt around. You should have expected that. A man who is using you to cheat on his girlfriend, will eventually cheat with other females. He obviously was getting tired of you.
He was doing it with you and getting away scotch-free, so why not get some more meat – if it’s so easy to come by? Well, he continued to do what you helped him to do in the first place.
He thought you understood and respected your role enough to trust you not to ‘rat’ on him. The day you messed him up was the day you actually saw how he really felt about you. Not only was he disgusted, but it proved he was feeding you lies all the time and never intended to leave his girlfriend for you. The family photos on Whatsapp: why were you taking that on? The man was in a relationship, of course he was expected to post pics of his family.
But that’s what happens when women get emotionally attached due to sex. Some of them become insane, do crazy stuff, even when it makes no sense.
Now, all is said and done. The guy is single. You have partially achieved your goal. I doubt you will fully realise it.
My advice is to respect yourself. You’re worth more than being a side chick. If you have a low self-esteem, work on it. I had low self-esteem too, and I worked on it. STDs are out there. He is sleeping with other people (as you claimed).
Look on the spiritual side of it. It doesn’t look right either. This lust will destroy you. You have already allowed it to destroy relationship of three people: the guy, his child’s mother and his daughter. It’s time to stop.
Have some respect for yourself. You’re not a dog.
Please note, don’t be surprised if he contacts again. Men usually go in their corner and sulk then when they feel better and “horny”, they will come back very nicely. And the cycle continues. Put a brake on it. It’s not too late.
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