‘Side chick’ confused after exposing man and breaking up his relationship

‘Side chick’ confused after exposing man and breaking up his relationship

Dear Willie:
I NEED help. I have been seeing this guy for a little over two years now, but I have to be honest, from day one I knew he had a girlfriend and child.

The thing is, I accepted the relationship, as it was exciting to snoop around. The sex was great. I had no problem in sharing because I didn’t feel the need to be his main.

Willie after a year, I started to feel like I needed more of his presence around me, and I started to feel jealous. Initially, he stated that he loved his child and this was his main reason for him to be with the child’s mother, but I started having doubts when he would be placing on his Whatsapp, family pics.

He would only make time for me when he is at work (his work entails lots of night shifts). We would have mind-blowing sex and then he goes back to work. We would speak on the phone, but it felt like that wasn’t enough for me. He would only tell me he loves me during sex or if he wants sex (he is a charmer). However, he said in due time we will be together; he just has to find a way to break it off with child’s mother and not hurt his daughter.

Things took a toll for the worst after I found out he was flirting with another girl, and I felt furious. I crossed the line, which I promised myself never to do. I got his girlfriend’s number and decided to spill the beans and make it known, everything that went on with us and about this other girl he was flirting with.

I wanted to hurt him as I was hurting, but now I feel like I made a huge mistake. He was mad at me. He stopped speaking to me for more than two weeks. He blocked me on Whatsapp. Now it is confirmed that he really love his woman, and was mad that I messed him up.

My thing is, if he claimed he was only there for his daughter, why would he be so mad at me? Maybe I am not seeing this correctly, but he just left me hanging.

I love him, I miss him. I miss his sex ( maybe I am addicted to his sex because it’s damn good). How do I make it right? I don’t want to be without him. If this means that I have to assume the road of a “side chick” I will, but I need him to see I was just hurting and acted foolishly. And I can’t help but think he hates me right now.

He should be happy now, not mad, as I just helped him out of the relationship with his child’s mother!! I am annoyed, confused and desperate right now.

Dear Miss: A ‘side chick’ role should never be a role anyone should be proud of. From the time a woman agrees to play this role, she is degrading herself – her reputation and her worth. It’s close to being a prostitute.

And no sensible man will ever respect you or view you as a potential ‘main chick’. Rarely they do.

No woman should endeavour to be a side chick, because most women do NOT play this role well long-term. Once sex comes into play, a woman becomes an emotional roller coaster. Forget her words: “Don’t worry, just the sex, am fine in this role.” Believe it or not, sooner or later she is going to become attached, jealous, and aspiring to become Miss Main. Often times, she will fail, and become a real b*** – to the detriment of everyone.

In this matter, you accepted your role and played it well, until…. Yes, it usually does not last.

He was naive in believing you would continue to play this role perfectly. When he realised you were becoming emotionally attached, and you began to ask for more, he had to find a way to let you not feel bad. He knew if he had said, “Hey, I don’t love you, I have no feelings for you. It’s just the sex I want,” he would have lost you. He didn’t want this good side dish go to waste. THAT’S WHY he lied, by telling you he was only with the woman because of his daughter. That was just a lie to keep you in check, so he could continue to enjoy the free meat.

Now, you got jealous and acted (as expected) out of emotions when he began to flirt around. You should have expected that. A man who is using you to cheat on his girlfriend, will eventually cheat with other females. He obviously was getting tired of you.

He was doing it with you and getting away scotch-free, so why not get some more meat – if it’s so easy to come by? Well, he continued to do what you helped him to do in the first place.

He thought you understood and respected your role enough to trust you not to ‘rat’ on him. The day you messed him up was the day you actually saw how he really felt about you. Not only was he disgusted, but it proved he was feeding you lies all the time and never intended to leave his girlfriend for you. The family photos on Whatsapp: why were you taking that on? The man was in a relationship, of course he was expected to post pics of his family.

But that’s what happens when women get emotionally attached due to sex. Some of them become insane, do crazy stuff, even when it makes no sense.

Now, all is said and done. The guy is single. You have partially achieved your goal. I doubt you will fully realise it.

My advice is to respect yourself. You’re worth more than being a side chick. If you have a low self-esteem, work on it. I had low self-esteem too, and I worked on it. STDs are out there. He is sleeping with other people (as you claimed).

Look on the spiritual side of it. It doesn’t look right either. This lust will destroy you. You have already allowed it to destroy relationship of three people: the guy, his child’s mother and his daughter. It’s time to stop.

Have some respect for yourself. You’re not a dog.

Please note, don’t be surprised if he contacts again. Men usually go in their corner and sulk then when they feel better and “horny”, they will come back very nicely. And the cycle continues. Put a brake on it. It’s not too late.


Email letters to [email protected] Letters are strictly confidential and total privacy maintained. Also see disclaimer below. Dear Willie is published daily on this site. The responses by this column are the opinion of the author of Dear Willie and are not to be thought of as official counseling or advice. The opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Willie and Andrews Media Services Corp/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user or any third party associated with the user.  


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  1. Just,,coming upon this story Now,,and I Really Hope your Over Him..You Got Some Serious Issues with yourself..Wowwwwwwww..Why allow him to have Two ,,Are you serious..He Figure if your Stupid,Dumb, Desperate enough to F### with Him,,when you know He got a whole Family at Home..and the Comforts of Home..Why would he Be Loyal to you,,You Really can't think your that Special.. I'm starting to believe that's what sidechick believe,,they are Special..your begging for Someone else's MAN.. to come back into your life that's Pretty Pathetic...ya Know..


  2. What do it mean when your man tell your sister if she don't love u know more there is other girls out there


  3. I'm going to keep this real. If a man cheating on his wife or girlfriend then his ass really ain't happy or satisfied. He initiates the flirt and pulls another woman into his life which he tells some sob story about his current marriage or relationship. Sometimes he shares true problems sometimes he don't. The other woman he's trying to get with is lonely in need of love and single. He knows this so he tells her everything she wants to here. They become involved. Now if he was truly attracted to her he may really leave his wife or relationship he's in to be with her but if he only wanted to fuck her then that's all it will be. Either way my man is a cheater and chances are he gonna cheat again. The issue lies within him not the woman who believe his lies and give love a chance.


  4. This man is a thot. I am so sicm of everyone placing the blame on her. Guess what he is the one who was in a relationship. I don't see anyone calling him out his name. This is why so many male whores will continue to be tramps. Lets start placing blame where it belongs. Which is on the person who's in a relationship or marriage. Stop giving these dogs free passes because their males. BS!!


    • Girl please yes it's his fault but it's just as much hers too because she chose to get involved with a man in a relationship regardless of what he did and said she knew he had someone and im sure she thought she would out sex or out cook her or some goofy crap like that. Now she want to hurt the girlfriend because he hurt herwhixh isn't fair. If he really loved her and wanted to leave his chick he would have she wouldn't have to do anything he would've. Now she messed up what little attention she was getting. Why because although he's a piece of shit period he loves his women more then the side chick. It is not the girlfriend fault it's the mans. And when you knowingly deal with a man you're aware has someone else your not doing nothing but making your self look bad and shows the lack of love you had for yourself. I've been with a guy with a girl never attentionally and when I found out I left no not because i owed her anything but because I know I deserve more and could have and do better


    • Girl good bye. she knew that man was in a relationship and just like she had a choice to indulge she had a choice not too. He’s Not innocent but he ain’t the one complaining on a blog neither.if you do dirt you get dirt that simple


  5. People only live life once, so live life to the fullest. If that man made you feel some connection, valued, attention and gave you passion. What's wrong!!! He should not be telling you lies that yall will be together but thats how some men are. If you the side chick u cant be blowing up letting your emotion get involved. He feel some kind of connection to you or else he wouldnt be cheating. If you want him back he has to know your stable with being the side chick and you want him enough to not blow his commited relationship up in flames. He gonna keep you distant! You have to get what you want out off of it and stop thinking he will be committed to u.


  6. I feel no sympathy for you, Side Chick. You knew what he was when you got into this, and you decided to do it anyways. All the pain your are feeling--you earned every bit of it. This should be a learning experience. The next time you are offered this araingements you can remember that pain and ask yourself if you want it again, because make no mistake, you brought this on yourself.


  7. I don't understand how this woman is being a prostitute or piss hole. Her being a side chick is no worse than his woman being a baby mama. He's not married to his baby's mama....so he's not committing no adultery. me personally wouldn't even had let him get me riled up. Because I have never been a woman that get excited because a man have a big penis. if he have a big bank roll? that's my excitement. Women are some of the silliest most ignorant humans around. Most of ha mad at the side chick but not the guy, lmto. How about being mad at his girl for poppin out a kid with no ring on her finger.


    • Ratchet women will always be ratchet. any woman that would be ok with being the side chick is ratchet . I think that we unintentionally glorified ratchet behavior through television, social media and other communication. I know of a situation where this woman is cheating on her husband with his friend and he is justifying why she is still posted up at his house. even though she is supposed to be back with her husband and the husband ( which I think his her playing as her husband ) is mad at the person trying to warn him. I really don't think that is the husband because no man is that stupid and whipped.


  8. The Jamaican I used to talk to tried to kill me I learned my lesson I'm single and loving it money is better than getting him back yeah you miss him but if he not missing you just be independent wine and dine yourself it makes me feel a whole lot better (spoil ya damn self);)