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“Outside chick” is pregnant and confused

Dear Willie

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Dear Willie: I am in a relationship with a man. He lives with his girlfriend and her two kids and I am the outside chick.

He has no kids and to him having one would make him the happiest man alive. The problem is that his girlfriend can no longer conceive. She told him to go outside to have a child if he wants.

I am now pregnant and don’t know what to do. I need advice: should he leave his girlfriend to be with me and his baby or should I leave him alone.

Thank you.

Dear Miss:

The decision to leave his girlfriend and be with you is his choice. You should speak to him and be frank about your desires.

However, I believe if he wanted to be with you a long time ago, knowing you can conceive (because that’s what he wants as you said), I believe he would’ve done so long ago. If he wanted to be with you, I doubt you would be writing to me asking for advice.

It is possible he only wants you for sex and/or a baby and nothing more. Or, he is not man enough to make a decision in your favour, if that’s what he wants. So speak to him.

I feel sorry for you because you’re pregnant for a man that is not yours and may end up not being yours. You should not have placed yourself in that situation. However, I know crap happens.

Next question is: is the child his? Also, if he decides he does not want to be with you, will you abort or keep the child?

I do not support abortion but at the end of the day you know what’s best for you and anything you do, it will be your choice.

However, as I said before, speak to him about a full-time relationship with you. And in the future, if you’re going to play the jabal role again, do not get pregnant.

Willie

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Dear Willie is published every Friday exclusively on this site. The responses by this column are the opinion of the author of Dear Willie and are not to be thought of as counseling or advice. The opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Dr. Willie and Andrews Media Services Corp/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user or any third party associated with the user.

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25 comments

  1. nasty and brainless women alone that getting in them relationships, the man was honest to let u know he already living in a house with his a woman with 2 kids, u already opening ur legs for him, thats just so wrong...why cant u find a single man to start a relationship and then maybe u can make a baby if u both a ready and stable choops

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  2. y o y o y????

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  3. dont trust some men

    Not saying that women dont lie, but men lie all the time just to sllep with you. I mean the girlfriend already has two kids, did she really tell him she cant conceive anymore??
    We women need to think and think well, aren't we tired of all the lies, pretence and betrayal of men....We are not perfect, but God help us, have mercy on us and help us make the rght decsions when it comes to getting a man that won't lie, cheat and feel he needs to have other women to feel he is a man.....

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  4. How is she(outside chick) so sure that his girlfriend can no longer concieve?? Is that what he told her(the sidechick). My my why dont we women allow men to take us for fools so much?? It's so sad, ow we allow men to lorwrate, use and misuse us..............We women need spritual help!!!

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  5. Misss, I think the mistake u made is not asking your lover his intentions before u decided to give him a baby. Ok, he has a woman at home but that didn t stop u from loving him. Did he lie to u about his relationship at home? He clearly talked to u about his wife' s problem and what she advised him to do! She didn t asked him to go out to find a carrier because she doesn t loves him, but because she s willing to bear a lot for his happiness. He wants to have kids of his own, (for some men even women that s very important) and that she can t give him. She feels it would b selfish having kids of her own n not allowing him to. Apparently thing are serious between u too, when u accepted to be with him, u accepted the situation. If u knew that s not the kind of relationship u wanted y did u sleep with him. I believe that man sees u as the other half of his wife. KEEP your baby. Talk to him about what u want, if he doesn t want to leave his wife to b with u; u can move on OR get ready to have sunday lunch with the entier family and shopping for layette with the wife. Good luck and be strong.

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  6. The inside woman has no right to tell the man go outside. She probably eh love him.

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  7. who does that men always ask for children and after they run pickney dont hold man down they only tie u down

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  8. My girl, I almost found myself in trouble so. Let me tell you... have your baby, love him/her and don't bother with the man. The only way mate would show you he's serious is if he moves out with the woman he living with and makes all plans to be with you. Apart from that, run my girl. There is no future there for you... even though the child is his. You eh check there are so many fellers that have children with endless woman and they just providing for de woman...? Pull yourself together and build a life for yourself and your child. Men come and go... and the one that's really out there for you, he'll come to you. Don't waste your life away.

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  9. ahhh I could not have said it better I need to print out "interesting" response so my jabal can learn , I think you forgot the rule that states the jabal cannot contact the sugar daddy on his birthday,christmas day,new years eve and/or valenetines day those are for wifey

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  10. interesting take is quite funny all jabal stay in ur section lol

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  11. Its just wrong,1st to ask him to leave his girlfriend to be wit and second to have a child for him and he is in house wit another woman.

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  12. Get your own man. For crying out loud...why do certain women chose to be second best. Grow up and be a woman not a whooman. SMH

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  13. i feeling sorry for that unborn child already, i hope it will truly be loved

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  14. I will never understand why St. Lucian women get into relationships like these that are train wrecks waiting to happen. They allow themselves to think they have the power to change a man. They don't think of the children who are already there and the new problems that will be encountered. They bring new babies into the terrible situation that they created. From the onset she should have realized that man was not committed to his kids nor their mom so why would she want that hot mess of a person in her life for drama for herself.

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  15. The situations we find ourselves in sometimes. This is both sad and ridiculous. Did she not think that she was good enough to find someone of her own with whom she could be happy and maybe have a child with. I see it time and time again, women finding themselves with men who are in relationships. This has such a detrimental emotional effect on them. If he wanted to be with this young lady, he would have and the fact that she is writing this indicates that things are not working in her favor right now. Do they ever really leave their girl friends and wives ? Do they ? And if they do, do these women realize that its only a matter of time till these men leave them too or cheat on them the same way ? ......Jeez, women need to try to keep their heads up, some decisions are hard to make but a part of being a mature adult is knowing when to walk a way and this girl should have left him a long time ago.

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  16. women never trust a man who keeps saying his woman don't do or isn't like you because amidst all of what the women aren't doing the men are still there. i was a jabal once and did what was best for me and I left. that man never left his woman, at the end she left him and now i am married and he is still running woman.

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  17. What do these women have in their heads !!?? Smh.. Bringing an innocent child into yall malpoptay .. At the end of the day the child deserves to have a father in its life and she should allow him to be just that .. You shouldn't be satisfied as his baby maker/ outside woman .. move on !

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  18. don't try to trap men with children.....you made your bed now lay in it

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  19. She needs da Jabal Hand Book !!

    RULE #2

    If you are a Jabs, to remain as one DO NOT BEAR ANY OFFSPRING for sugar daddies or boyfriends.

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  20. Nice response Willie! Just thought I would add something I just read:

    The Jabal Hand Book aka JHB

    Written by Kendal King for entertainment purposes.

    Caution!! The material you are about to read could be detrimental to your relationship and special care should be taken when breaking down the logic of this material. The material may be offensive to certain individuals; if you feel offended after reading the complete document then you have fallen within that bracket. The rules were deduced from an Objective point of View not Subjective, so please don't catch any feelings if offended. The rules in this document are not set in stone and are subjected to change at any given moment. The Rules came about from listening to testaments from females who have either been through, know someone who has been through or plan on going through a sticky situation. The Rules are just as applicable to outside men.

    RULE #1

    Once a Jabal, you will always be a Jabs. DO NOT ASPIRE TO BE WIFEY, this will only cause heartache and distress. (Stay in you Section)

    RULE #2

    If you are a Jabs, to remain as one DO NOT BEAR ANY OFFSPRING for sugar daddies or boyfriends. You have to keep in mind that being a Jabs is a short-term affair and the day will come when you will have to switch sugar daddies, and having baggage will make the transition difficult.

    RULE #3

    If you aspire to be a Jabal, BE A SMART JABAL. Like I side in Rule #2, being a Jabal is short-term and you need to milk it for all its worth. Get your education up i.e take courses to increase your knowledge; for the transition period of sugar daddies you will need something to fall back on. Get your bills paid, get a vehicle if possible, get house and land in your name, open a business. THINK BIG!! NOT SMALL.

    RULE #4

    If you fail to take heed of Rule #2 and fall in that trap of having an offspring, DO NOT USE your INNOCENT offspring IN ANY VENDETTA to aspire to be wifey to get more attention or more money from sugar daddy. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BREAK RULE #1 BECAUSE YOU BROKE RULE #2 (stay in your section).

    RULE #5

    If you aspire to take on the roll of a Jabal, for whatsoever reason, and already have offspring of your own, you need to WORK TWICE AS HARD as a Jabs without offspring. IT IS NOT RECOMMENDED to become a Jabal with offspring, though it is possible if the sugar daddy is understanding and certain criteria is met. RULE #2 should be twice as important to a Jabs coming in with offspring.

    RULE #6

    EXPECT COMPETITION! If you are already in the game, chances are, your sugar daddy has multiple Jabs and you are one of many. Avoid getting in to confrontations with the competition. (Play the game don’t let the game play you). Also in RARE CIRCUMSTANCES being a Jabs is NOT SHORT-TERM. In those cases be prepared to battle wifey and multiple Jabs.

    RULE #7

    DO NOT CONFUSE SEX WITH LOVE, refer to RULE #2, it is a short-term affair and you are replaceable (To the Left, To the Left). BE WISE CONDOMIZE.

    RULE#8

    AVOID CONTROL FREAKS and WOMEN ABUSERS. A sugar daddy may tend to get over protective and attached to his Jabs for a number of reasons, and can lead to him being a control freak or a woman abuser. So stand your ground and if things get out of hand leave ASAP, you can always find another sugar daddy. Signs that your sugar daddy is a control freak:

    * Calls multiple times a day for nothing relevant, i.e more than twice.
    * Wants to tell you what clothing to wear.
    * If he has the 5 W’s (Who, Why, Where, What and When)

    RULE #9

    Jabs must NEVER , EVER MAKE CONTACT WITH THE WIFE of her sugar daddy under ANY circumstances. NOT during or after the arrangement has expired.

    RULE#10

    WIFEY SAVES AND JABALS WITHDRAW. If the sugar daddy happen to fall sick for what so ever reason, it’s not your place to be night nurse, let wifey take care of him. She saves you withdraw.

    RULE #11

    If you CAN NOT follow RULE #1 and feel compelled to be wifEy this is what you need to do.

    * Cut all links and communication with current and previous sugar daddies.
    * Move out of community or housing that sugar daddies are aware of.
    * Get new friends, not too many, just one or two.
    * Take time to rebuild yourself; i.e don’t get into any relationships for at least 12 months. No booty calls, turn to God; Seven Day Adventist accepts one and all.
    * After the grace period of 12 months and you have found a suitable candidate, STOP!!
    Remember that you are a recovering Jabs who is trying to get out of that life.
    * You need to check that the new candidate is not a sugar daddy in disguise (wolf in sheep clothing) you don’t want karma to bite you in the ass, remember you were a Jabs and inflicted pain to a wifey once upon a time; whether intentionally or unintentionally.
    * Put the 90-day rule in effect for new a candidate. Note well, the 90-day rule IS NOT GUARANTEED to sift all the wolves in sheep clothing, it’s just a precautionary measure.

    RULE #12

    Rule #12 is not really a rule but a precaution to all women, if you are with a man for 8 years and over, and you don’t live in the same house, chances are you are the JABAL, even if you think that you are the main woman and have offspring’s.

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  21. I like the last sentence on willie's advice

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  22. This is wrong on so many levels, why would you even put yourself in that kind of situation to begin with, you're screwing wit other peoples lives here, I'm sure he knew his girlfriend couldn't make kids and he decided to be wit her, she did something foolish by allowing him to sleep wit other chicks so he can have a baby,but what about your kid?, How are you so sure he' gonna support his girl friend, you and the baby? This isn't gonna end well, for the record I got married to my wife and we're not sure shes gonna be able to have kids, she told me that from when we started dating and I repect her for doing it and I have no intentions of going an get another chick pregnant cuz I'm not gonna have kids with somebody I'm not gonna be with for the rest of my life, smh we allow too many thing in this little island of ours

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  23. this whole triangle is crazy.......his woman tell him he can go an have children outside if he wants???

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    • I doubt she ever told like this. If I want my man to be happy with a child, I would just let him go and get another woman and find for myself a man who does not want a child anymore.
      Nevertheless, the whole case shows immature and irresponsible way of thinking.

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