North boyfriend and South boyfriend: which one to choose?

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North boyfriend and South boyfriend: which one to choose?

Dear Willie: I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for at least four years now. I am not happy but I just can’t leave.

It’s like every time I try he breaks me down and I stay in the relationship. I work in the north of the island but I’m from the south part. My boyfriend is also from the south so from two years ago we’ve been seeing each other only on weekends. I am very much okay with that arrangement but he is not. He wants me to travel every day so we can be together often, but I can’t cause its costly and tiring. I have tried it.

About two months ago I met this guy up north; well we went to school together. I am now involved with this said guy, hence I have two boyfriends. My south bf and I see on weekends and my north bf during the week. I have been swept away by north bf that sometimes I don’t go down on weekends and lie to south bf that I’m working.

I can’t continue in this manner but someone will get hurt, it could be me in the end. North bf wants to have me all to himself and suggested that I leave the south completely. I am confused because even though I am not happy with south bf I care about him cause he been there for me. We have been through a lot, fussing and fighting to the point he beat me up badly I was hospitalized. When I think about it that motivates me to want to leave, but what about the good times we shared.

I am tired of lying to south bf. I want him to find someone better than me, someone compatible. North bf is the opposite of south, we laugh all the time, sex is perfect etc.

I am in love but yet still confused as to what I should do. Stay we south bf (whom I know for so long and care about) or see what north bf (a guy, we went to same school together that I’ve grown much feelings for).

Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Signed
Stressed

Dear Stressed: Is knowing someone or being with someone for a very long time the reason to continue being their girlfriend?

I have heard this silly cultural excuse many times: people being in unhappy relationships but refuse to leave because they have known that one person longer than anyone else. This makes no bloody sense. And based on experience this is quite common in St. Lucia with St. Lucian women. They just love to latch onto to unhappy unions simply because they know the person a long time.

Another thing is your south bf is physically abusive. You’re probably afraid to leave him out of fear. The time he became violent was the opportune time to have ended the relationship. It is obvious you’re afraid of this guy. And stop fooling yourself that you love him. You don’t. You fear him and only feel sorry for him.

And while you contemplate going “full-time” with your north bf, remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. I also note most writers note that the sex is “great” or “perfect”. It seems that sex plays a greater role in finding a partner than real love. Are you sure you’re in love with the north bf? Or are you in love with the perfect” sex you’re getting from him? Be careful. When he gets bored of you or vice versa, you may find yourself in a predicament.

Also remember that the relationship with north bf is only two months old. So while you plan to jump ship, be prepared for anything.

My conclusion however is that if you’re unhappy with south bf then it makes no sense leading him along. The longer you prolong the relationship the worst it will get it. And if you’re afraid of this guy, you must take precautionary measures such as getting the law and your family involved. Do not take it lightly.

If he is not making you happy, if you do not love him anymore then break it off!

Do what makes you happy! And be safe while doing it.

Willie

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Dear Willie is published every Friday exclusively on this site. The responses by this column are the opinion of the author of Dear Willie and are not to be thought of as counseling or advice. The opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Dr. Willie and Andrews Media Services Corp/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user or any third party associated with the user.

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14 COMMENTS

  1. Girrrrllllll, you should have left your southern country booky bf a long time ago, as soon as he puts his hands on you. Any man who does that has no respect for women, and will never continue to have respect for you. If you are unhappy in this relationship then you should have left, and not cheated. Cheating and being an unfaithful slorrrr is never the solution. Point blank- break up with south boyfriend and continue your sexual relationship with north bf. But how do you sleep at night , knowing that you cheated on north bf ????? Shsssshhh, your secret is safe with me ! 😉

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  2. Honey, I don t think stress is the word more fear. I don t think leaving south is as easy as u make it sounds. U ve been through a lot (fuss n fights);I believe u ve never really forgiven him for beating u badly. South heats your head like a pressure cooker. North is the breath of fresh air. U feel loved, and have a shoulder to cry on. Sticking to south will not help him get the one he deserves. DO WHAT'S BEST FOR U. Seek your HAPPINESS FIRST. If u really want to leave south, do it carefully. And with north take it slowly. Don t get killed.

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  3. after the man burst your ass you still askin whether or not you should leave u either dumb or stupid secondly why would you want to bring all the baggage to another relationship,stop and think ,of want you want to do cause the way u are going makes no sense at all

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  4. I must say that it is wrong what u are doing. Its called cheating! If u don't love the man leave him and stop making things worse! What then, when he finds out u've been cheating on him for over 2 months? Smh. U should have showed some more respect towards ur south bf

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  5. Really don't know wuts wrong wit dese chicks, north boyfriend, south boyfriend, lololllooll,i'm very sure sum of these chicks have a scotia boyfriend and a bank of saint lucia boyfriend, a kfc boyfriend and a church's chicken boyfriend, lord put a hand wit these girls,why would you stay in a relationship wit sum1 who puts you in the hospital anyways? i'm very sure he visited you in the hospital, isn't that kinda hypocritical??? One thing i'm starting to pick up is that women now have no I mean absolutely no idea what love is these kinna tings I reading deh....awahhhhhh smh......

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    • I roll on the floor when I read dis. You make me laugh Montana... but a lot of that is so true. We don't know what morals and values mean.

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  6. as a male figure...I consider that the lying should be stopped because its getting the situation worst. frankly you should take things slow; watch the north guy carefully. I am guessing that you are beautiful, so its possible to leave both and focus on you...there are great guys out there. PRAYER IS THE ANSWER!!!

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  7. Your heart is already with your north boyfriend. I don't know how things will turn out with him eventually, but you have to give your full attention to that relationship. It makes no sense to have the relationship with south detracting from your happiness or hanging over your head. Do the right thing and develop some moral fortitude. Stop the lying and make it right. And of course, DO NOT stay with any man that hits you AND puts you in hospital. He needs help that you can't give. He's not even married to you and he hit you? You have any idea what that will do to your family if you all have a family in future? No no. Absolutely unacceptable. Take a chance and invest in your happiness. Take care of yourself too - don't put all your faith and happiness in a relationship with anyone. God alone that can make you complete.

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  8. let's forget about you having this two boyfriend,north/South confusion for a bit and look at the fact that your long time boyfriend...this person who you have known for soooooo long and care about sooooo much was capable of beating you up and putting you in the hospital.... Why doesn't he make the effort to come to town sometimes instead of you always travelling up and down???? From the way things sound he is a disaster waiting to happen hope you dont get beat up again........whether or not you had somebody else you could choose if i were you i would've left this guy a long time ago

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  9. well i was in tht similar situation i was on the verge of breaking up with my south bf for this man from up north when he was worst than my south bf and i finally made the decision i left both of them and now am taking a break from relationship to focus on myself

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  10. From time south bf raised his hand on u, u shud have called it quits.... there is no reason for a man to hit u farless beating u so bad that u have to be hospitalized... end it with south... take ur time u dont have to jump in a relationship with north bf rite away.... enjoy ur life

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