No sex, no child support?

No sex, no child support?

Dear Willie: I have two kids with a guy who works for a sales company. My children’s father and I broke up eight years ago because of the constant physical abuse. In fact, when I was seven and a half months pregnant with our second child, he sexually assaulted me causing my placenta to separate a month before I gave birth.  I was hospitalised and the police were called in.

During that time he refused to take care of his son so I went to a lawyer and he was called in. The matter was then brought before the court. I had to wait till I gave birth for the case to be heard again.

After I gave birth my mom told me that now that I have two kids with the guy, to finish with that cause it would be too stressful on me because I had just given birth. So I dropped the charges and had my lawyer draw a document for child maintenance.

It became an issue because the man wanted to have sex with me after we broke up and I refused. I opened an account so he could send the kids money to it because I wanted no contact with him. Instead of putting the amount he was supposed to put, he put 50 dollars less. Now he claiming he’s not getting paid when we takes vacation. Yeah right. Every time he takes vacation he eh putting the kids’ money there and he hasn’t given any money to help with school supplies.

Our eldest is in secondary school and the other grade six. I hustle to try to care of them. I have sent him texts and called him to find out why he has not put the kids money in the bank, but he is not responding. He has left his home in Babonneau and has gone to stay with a woman in Vieux fort who has left her husband for him.

INSTEAD OF TAKING CARE OF HIS KIDS, HE TAKES CARE OF HERS. He also makes people believe he is taking care of our kids when in fact I am the one doing it. He keeps asking me to have sex with him and I keep refusing because I have my man. This is my last hope to find a solution. Help please.

Dear Miss: Sorry to hear about this situation. Your problems are quite common.

If he signed a legal child-support document then you can hold him accountable. I urge you to consult with your lawyer on what steps to take.

He/she might very well encourage you to take your children’s father to court.

Willie

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29 COMMENTS

  1. A B one thing i always appreciate what you say not all lucian men are like this CRAP on a man, for one thing i prefer to be DEAD than neglect my respnsibilities as a father for my son.

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  2. my girl help your child how u can ok. i came from a single parent family with no father from the age of one year. now am 21 years old and making a salary of $3,000 monthly because my mom did her best for me. now every where my dad sees me he wants to tell every one how he is so proud of me. smfh but the nice joke is that he still owys me over $3,000 in child maintains. smh be strong and i pry for gods guidance upon you and your kids always

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  3. This is the mentality of a lot of men. But what we must do as women is not to force them to take of their children. This I did. I made sure I educated myself, took care of my child, bought property. This year my daughter finished Sir Arthur and is not a perfect child but I have little to worry about. I ensured that she was well disciplined. I took care of all her needs together with the help of family and friends. She was raised in a loving household with grandmother, grandfather, aunty and uncles etc. And not forgetting the grace and love of god. I never prevented him from seeing my daughter because I knew one day she will be in a position to see everything for herself, however, he was always telling her stuff about me. When he saw that she was excelling in her studies he would boast and let everyone know that she is her daughter. My advise to you is whether he gives you the support you need or not make sure that your children end up be productive members of society. And something I will never understand is why men don't see that money is not enough in being a parent. Just giving money is just not enough. Leave him time will deal with him. Take care

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    • Well said Tru dat. Same with me. I had the same situation as you. Now my daughter has a very well paying job and lives on her own. She is an example to follow. Well disciplined and respectful, independent and organized. Praises to the Almighty Father. Never forget to put the Most High first in your life. Before everyone. He will direct and sustain you and your children. Ladies we can do it. If the fathers want to bail out, then let them. He knows he has children. Don't force or beg.

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  4. Useless a... love the ... but don't like takin care of their seeds. Beg no man.

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  5. some men just don't know how to let go.I mean if you have children and you not with their mother just feed your damn children man.She do not owe you any sex. Shoulder your responsibily.

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  6. Children always seem to be stuck in the middle of adult drama. I have heard some horrifying stories from both men and women over the issue of child maintenance. On the one hand there are some men who deserve to be dragged before the court for maintenance but on the other there are too many women who deliberately accuse men of not providing for their children. there are many women who use their children as tools to extort money from men but refuse to allow the men to see their children. As for the court it is normally gender bias. In the end the ones who suffer are the children. So parents put your selfish needs and agendas aside and focus on your children.

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  7. Firstly what struck me in this letter is " I opened an account so he could send the kids money to it because I wanted no contact with him" Does this mean the kids had no contact with him as well? Or was he able to see the kids anytime he wished? just had to ask. I say this to say there are alot of mothers who are only concerned about getting money from the fathers and refuse to let them see their kids or make it hard for them (not saying you are one of them). Like other commentors mentioned, i think you should move on with your life if he has as well. If the man you are with is supporting you and the kids forget about the deadbeat. Kids grow up and remember who was there for them, if he does not want to have a relationship with them its his lost. When he is on his dying bed he'll wish he had a better relationship with his kids.

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    • You know, @ "....", the reminded me of The Ten Commandments' story, nuff unsubstantial lies were told about Moses from his own brother Rameses, to their father, The Pharaoh - at that period. Lies stuck and Moses was exiled. Pharaoh's final three words before he was transferred to some other land(s) were; Moses, Moses, Moses and he gave up the ghost!!

      Let that dead beat piece of worthless whatever, decipher the moral of that story.

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      • the=that (1st para, 1st line).

        unsubstantial=unsubstantiated...my apologies.

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  8. Aaaahhhhh, the good soft and delicious female privates that we love so much and just can't do without.

    If you know that you want to enjoy her "pearls," then you should do her right, young lad.

    And there is no justification for any man to stop supporting their children because she has stopped you from enjoying her juices.
    Do the right thing and support your children. They did not ask to be born. I bet you were moaning and groaning more than a woman giving birth.

    Be a man and do the right thing.

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  9. My girl don't beg or text or ask or email or fax or call the man. He chose to abandon his children so leave him be. People sow what they reap. If you feel you want to continue with it legally it's your choice. Cases here can be long and make you waste all your time. If you feel you have the time then go ahead. Majority of st. Lucian men are like that. I have been through that. My daughters father opted not to feed her because we had ended the relationship and he could not sleep with me. My daughter is now 29 years old and now he is always asking her for money. So not to worry my dear. Carry your burden for now. Your children will soon be adults.

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    • This is real bad advise.
      You want her to go through the same crap you went through.
      You women are your own enemies.

      Just why?

      And how do you know that Majority of us Lucian men are like this, except if you are whoring yourself to all lengths and breadths of this nation.

      Likewise i can say all Lucian women are gold-diggers and Salops. But i know better (even if i typed it on here.) 🙂

      So because you were not smart enough to pick a good man and had your ass handed to you, so you assume all or the majority are like this.

      The Logic of those women.
      smh

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      • The person said majority. Majority does not mean everyone. Read and understand. Majority does NOT mean ALL. If you know you fall in the majority section then it fall in your garden. Water it. Both men and women portray to be good in the beginning. If you are psychic to see who is good then kudos to you.

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      • Now, I found what AB said makes complete sense and FULL of logic, however, he went about saying it a bit crude, raw and un-sugar-coated. Perhaps hence the thumb down (as I too, anticipating mine) for aligning myself with his viewpoints.

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        • Man, sometimes you gotta say it raw.
          It's the only way to make some of the understand.

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  10. I would just move on with my life..he moved on with his..n I moved on with mine so m not bothered..I will do whatever I have to, to send my children at school..n she said she moved on so the man that is with her suppose to help her out to..if he understands her situation. God will bless him.. taking the fathers to court will do nun..bcuz they will not change..she just av to keep on prayin for strengh to care for her children n to hell wit the niggah!

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  11. Just keep in your mind lady that the kids do grow up and like you they remember past experiences,be patient with life my dear,as long as you bring them up right,treat them good,they will remember,he will regret his wrong doings.

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  12. Woman you know exactly what to do ....dont play dumb! There is the social welfare service available and this is common knowledge.

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    • Sadly the social welfare service available in St.Lucia needs total reform. Majority of the persons handling cases there are unprofessional and completely incompetent. It's pathetic...trust me.Consult with your lawyer like Willie said!

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    • She is not playing dumb. The Social Welfare system here is not up to par at all. She is reaching our for answers and a solution to her plight....give her a break.

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      • going through lawyer or not it is still a social issue and the case will go through our systems. Going or continuing through the lawyer is just a most expensive means.

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  13. Don't beg no man to take care of his child if he wanted to,he would do it . The kids are growing the struggle is hard but it will get easy,.... Trust me prayer helps ... I know what its like to have a deadbeat babydaddy who tells everyone he Maintains his child and its gets to me but what you don't know is that people don't always take others words for it .actions do speak louder than words.

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  14. TAKE HIM TO COURT SO HE CAN PAY CHILD MAINTENANCE EVERY MONTH IF HE REFUSES MAKE POLICE ARREST HIM

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    • What court? Who will foot the attorney's receipts, you, perhaps? And pray, which police that would arrest "him"?

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  15. Treat this as the legal contract that it is. There is a legally binding ruling from the courts that he should be paying a certain amount monthly. Until he can show the court that his earnings have decreased then he has to continue paying the mandated sum. The long and short of it, keep copies of your texts and communication including those where he attempts to extort sex from you. Take all of this to your lawyer and or the family court (keep copies for yourself)and take this guy down. Do not drop the case if they threaten him with possible jail time. He has to learn that you are not a possession and that you are not a walk-over. Straighten your back and fight your battle.

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