My girlfriend is unfaithful

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My girlfriend is unfaithful

Dear Dr. Cindy: I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year. Things were great until a few months ago.

First of all she never trusted men to be faithful and from the time I have been with her, I am always trying to show her I can be faithful and love only one girl.

She has many guy friends and at first it didn’t bother me but when she started spending nights at her guy friends’ homes that is where I was worried. I brought up the topic a number of times but it leads to arguing and I don’t want that so I go quiet instantly.

Recently she has been acting strange and she would do stuff for us to refrain from sex at certain times (she was always eager to have sex with me). And one day I got a hold of her phone and a message, and it was about a recent sexual meeting she had with the man.

I have forgiven her but she acts like I am cheating myself… What should I do?

Dear Faithful:

Your situation does seem as one that can cause doubt and confusion, leaving you wondering what to do next.

From what you have presented, you have been faithful to your girlfriend and you are always trying to show her you can be faithful and love only one girl. At this point, it is her responsibility to have faith in you, and your fidelity.

Know that you cannot make her see it or accept it. A little food for thought——perhaps her doubt may have little to do with you, but, rather her own past experiences where she may now find it difficult to trust another person. I will even go a bit further and state that perhaps your girlfriend is utilizing the defense mechanism of projecting, this is, where a person ascribes their own unacceptable qualities and feelings on to another person.

Your worry of your girlfriend spending nights at her guy friends’ homes may be valid, as this may appear to cross the boundary lines of friendship in usual circumstances. Getting the full story and situation behind this would be helpful before drawing a final conclusion. I suggest bringing up the topic in a way that shows your concern for her, and also that you are not comfortable with it as her boyfriend, and the effect it has on you.  Do not accuse her of anything if you do not have all of the facts.

If there is a rational reason as to why she cheated that could be addressed within the relationship, and you both would like it to work out, I would say try to work it out.

If she cheated because of her own personal issues, she will have to work through those in her own time. Know that you do not have any control over that. You can, however, be supportive of her through it and see how it goes.

Having said all that, ask yourself if you can you live with the constant unfounded accusations, when you are innocent and have tried to show this on numerous occasions.

Best Wishes,
Dr. Cindy

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Cimorge Counseling & Consultation, Inc, published every Wednesday exclusively on this site, provides responses for Dear Dr. Cindy. These responses are the professional opinion of Dr. Cindy M. George and are not to be thought of as counseling or advice. The professional opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Dr. Cindy M. George, Cimorge Counseling & Consultation, Inc., and Alliance News Ltd/BVI News Online/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user, or any third party associated with the user.

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27 COMMENTS

  1. Young man, try to move on with your life. The psychologist is too perfect, too bent on trying to rationalizing the woman's behaviour. Life is not so cut and dry. The woman does not want what you are offering. Move on and do not turn back.

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  2. Young man you have a bigger problem than your whore of a girlfriend. Why you are even allowing her to go and sleep at other men's home?

    Also why are you afraid to get into an argument with her? This is cause you're afraid to lose her and that's why she will cheat on you. It doesn't matter if you leave her and get another girl until you fix your own insecurity every girl will cheat on you.

    Women don't want a bitch they want a man...so start acting like one.

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  3. Gasa a listen to the crap drive Cindy telling you no woman of yours not leaving you and go and sleep at any next man home move on with your life that girl is a rather trust me if she wasn't she wouldn't be doing those things

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  4. Gasa a listen to the crap drive Cindy telling you no woman of yours not leaving you and go and sleep at any next man home move on with your life that girl is a rather trust me if she wasn't she wouldn't be doing those things

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  5. Boy seriously run,run as fast as your legs will let u,this chick is wayward and nasty,and trust me she is not worth your time and love,,if you leave it will be her loss,cause tht trifling hoochie don't deserve u.Am sure somewhere out their is a woman who is willing to be faithful and be in an honest relationship with a gud caring man.Cause she is taking u for granted and u just can't spend your life being with someone of that nature,,,Nasty and a B%t€h,,

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  6. First and foremost I am currently employed in the healthcare industry. AIDS is real and you can not tell for looking at an individual. Don't risk your life - the best sex is not worth a life sentence. Some people are just that ignorant and uneducated. Learning is fundamental and multiple sex partners is extremely dangerous, disgusting and ignorant. Let the wayward chic move on and go get yourself tested.

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  7. This guy is a SOFTY...No woman that I am with is going to spend a night @ another guy's home with me knowing.If I'm away & they're keeping it secret then that's another thing(& they better keep it secret too).

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  8. Some women are REAL SUCKERS! THE good men they're leaving behind just to have fun sex with men that don't even care about them (the only thing they want from them is to use their vaginas)...make them REAL KNUCKLE HEADS and EPIC SUCKERS! LMAO!!!!

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  9. hi i was involved with a st lucian woman and things were just to nice we had 2 kids that i took care of and big now but am still the daddy of my girl and boy i love them so much. i have been working hard for them yes all of them including the mom but i realised sometime that the mother had been acting very strange, questions were and as if i was telling something wrong, however i continue to look and said nothing. she then had another phone that the kids didnt even know she had, she was with a guy and instead of sending sms to the guy or calling the guy she would send the sms to the guys friend and he would forward the message to the boyfriend. she once told me that she is a st lucian and she can do what she wants with her >>>> since then i have kept to myself and its strange but it seem very difficult to trust another st lucian woman, am not saying that everyone is the same but>>>>>>> .dude all i can say to you is keep ur head up set ur mind straight, take the time to love yourself and remember there is always another woman out there God will help you find her. make urself happy and most of all PLEASE PLEASE forgive only then you will have a clean heart, if u dont do that youre going to burden yourself with alot on your mind. by the time this >>>>>> gets the reality it will be to late for her.

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    • Yep I had a Lucian dirty gal in the states tell me the same thing. The her Cyat is hers and she can do whatever she want with it...Talk about being faithful and being in a bullsh%t relationship.Some women are just plain Whores...they can't help it when their cyat start to scratch them they. They have the impulse to get whatever JOHNSON that is availible to them at the moment. They care NOT if their man is out busting his ass working hard! LMAO! So thats why I treat a B*TCH like what she is....a B*TCH!

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      • WOW WOW WOW.....RELAX YOUNG MAN...BITCHES CUM IN ALL NATIONALITIES, PUT LUCIAN WOMEN DOWN PLEASE!THE EXPERIENCE YOU HAD WITH ONE DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO CLASS ALL! I BLIVE THAT I AM A DAMN GUD ST LUCIAN WOMAN, AND I KNOW ALOT MORE....URLL QUICK TO WOMEN BITCH, SMH!

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  10. Run man ruunnnnnnn.....This girl is straight up nasty and a cheater. She is not worth you pondering on what you should do. Ruunnnn!!!

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  11. Talk about reverse psychology...she's making you feel guilty for her actions. i will agree with everyone here...except for the statement "cut your loses". I think she will be one losing.

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  12. my brother you have all that information and you are in denial in asking what to do. please get out the way for the individual to do her thing and look for someone who respects you as an individual. look for your happiness ok

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  13. Man cut your loses! That lil chicken head don't know what she looking for. She is a plain and simple chicken headed whore. A Dirty Diana! LMAO...Some women really don't know what they looking for...The one who does the act is ONE...Why say you not a [email protected] when your are acting like one??? EASY CHICKEN HEADS...EASY TARGETS! LOW SELF RESPECT AND ESTEEM! SHe's a chicken head boo...St.Lucia has a lot of young chicken heads LMFAO!!!!!

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  14. That girl is a straight out WHORE...I once had a girl who said I took her vaginity, come to find out she was sexually active waaaayyyyy before I even met her. Do NO drink the CUP of deception from these Delilahs and Jay Zee Belles, their thinking are as WAYWARD and UNGODLY as their ACTS!!!! Leave that easy whore alone....Life comes in full cycle. What she did to you will eventually sooner or later come back to her...sometimes ten fold!!!! Do NOT eat the apple Adam!!!!

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    • BEWARE when a girl says to you that you took her virginity!LOL...most of them lose that crap way young in their early teens...If she's like 21 and says I am a virgin, more than likely thats the first LIE and DECEPTION to the beginning of a HOT MESS of a relationship! Be prepared to go through some emotional turmoil and possible wreckage! Some weomen are the BIGGEST tricksters and DECIEVERS. Queen CleoPATRA of Ancient Egypt once said...." Ceasar Conquers Rome...But I Cleopatra conquer Ceasar!" If you're NOT THINKING STRAIGHT Pal, a decietful woman will conquer EVERYTHING you have!!!! LMFAO!!!!

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  15. Cut your loses and move on! These young chicken heads have no clue what they want. I have noticed when they older in age up in their late 20's and thirties thats when they're clamoring for a good man. These young chicken heads have no clue what they want, until they have a kid and other responsibilities, then above SEX the want a man who is responsible more than anything else! Trust me move on...these little immoral B#@tches are NOT worth the pain!!!!

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  16. Just get to hell out of that shit and leave that woman alone becaust she will never stop cheating , believe me so just cut your losses short and move on before you loose it and do something stupid.
    Too many young women in ST lUCIA feel the must have more than one sex partners and why not first of all the don't even have a relationship with GOD and there entire life is a big party as one woman once said to me it's all about work hard and play hard so there is no devine direction in anything the do,The thing about it is that most of these young women are very smart and know better but just do what make them feel good and not what give them respect, the will never give it up for a walk with god not until the stick in it and i see this situation over and over again. If you are a playa as well then good luck but if you are a man who is trying to live clean get a young woman who has god in her life , she may not have all the glit and glam but her value system will give you a long and happy relationship.

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  17. Ok so i'm first 2 comment, dude let her go,don't even bother to think about it, spare yourself the pain,how can she not trust men for cheating then be a cheater herself,smfh, talk about a double standard, girls claim to want a good man and then when they have one they always seem to mess it up,in my opinion, no gurl is worth it, live your life,have your fun,protect yourself but don't be fooled by these girls,they want more than 1 man so have your fun, just protect yourself, straight!!!!!

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