Dear Willie: I have been with my boyfriend for some time now and it has been a wonderful relationship as well as a heartbreaking one, but altogether I have managed to forgive him and continue loving him unconditionally.
A few days ago we were speaking and he spoke about getting married (which made my heart skip a beat) and he said he wanted to do it soon.
My reason for writing this is I don’t think I am ready to get married, but at the same time I don’t want him to think that I don’t love him or that I am afraid of committing myself to him. I don’t think he is ready to have a woman like me in his life permanently because we are always back and forth.
There are a few things I have been begging him to change and still he hasn’t even made an effort. He is a very nasty man; I will clearly state it NASTY. He doesn’t clean after himself, everything he uses stay the same place, and that is one of my other concerns. I don’t think I can live with my son because mothers clean after their kids so much, this is all day every day. Do you think these are things that should worry me about getting married?
I give you full permission to call me ‘confused’ because right now I am really confused. It’s kind of hard that I know that I love my boyfriend very much but it hurts that I feel that am not ready to give him my everything.
Dear Miss: Anyone in your position would be confused because you love your boyfriend, have a fairly stable relationship with the exception of some concerns.
Many people believe that getting married will solve their problems, but if your problems cannot be solved now, marriage won’t make things better. So, I agree that the offer to get married is not something you feel for wholeheartedly because of these concerns.
I would not encourage anyone to marry if they’re not ready. His “nasty” problem is something you should discuss with him, if you haven’t already. A lot of males are not tidy and if he hasn’t fixed this issue, marriage will not fix it. It is something you will have to accept, or not. You choose.
As to the back-and-forth issue. Based on that statement it appears that both of you do not see eye to eye on a number of issues. Marriage will not solve this. And it is natural for people to disagree in a relationship. It is not what you disagree about, but how you solve that disagreement.
I think you should be honest with him, just like how you’re honest with me now. Just do not sign up for something you do not want. And you mentioned that you love him unconditionally but I am afraid you do not understand what unconditional love is. It means loving someone and accepting them for who they are, regardless of their imperfections. So you may need to rethink your “unconditional love” statement.
Either you accept him or not. And if you do not feel like being with him for the rest of your life, then stop wasting his and your time.
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