We had been together for five years. During that time I’ve been through a lot. He has insulted me many times and has raised his hands on me on many occasions. I was not able to go out with friends or enjoy life like a young lady would; he never liked any of my friends so I put them aside and I did everything he said so he would be happy.
He hasn’t been much help around. I just tried my best to get everything done without him so it wouldn’t spark a fight. He hasn’t been in a job from the time we have been together but I never had a problem since I was the one working and I was able to provide for us. I was afraid to move on because of my child with him.
The fight started when I was at his place and he demanded that I provided him with my blackberry cell phone because he said that I’m not who I use to be. Knowing what he was getting into, I said why do you need it? I laughed and I went to the shower. He went into my bag took the phone and said that he wants the password. I said no until it became an argument and he became physical.
I told him that I would go to the police but that didn’t stop him from destroying my phone and punching me all over my face. I went to the police who spoke with him. I didn’t take any action against him because he pleaded that he was sorry.
One week after, on several occasions, he had been coming to my house crying asking me to come back to him. My response to him was “right now I just want to be free.”He said that he has changed and he is going to a counselor.
A few weeks before the fight I met this guy who I knew back then. I had sex with him and this was the first time I had ever cheated or flirted with a guy. He treats me the way I always wanted to be treated and would never go a day without letting me know how much he loves me. He always finds out how my child is doing and wants to be part of her life.
We started a relationship and it has been four months since we are dating. He is eager to introduce me to his mom and is excited to take me to his family Christmas outings. I think he is great. He spoils me with his love and enjoys making me laugh.
I still miss my daughter’s dad and I keep thinking that she is going to be mad at me when she gets older. She is now three years old and I know that she loves her dad.
One week ago my daughter’s dad told me to come to his place. I slept and we had sex. I feel bad about it. Now he knows I’m with someone, he said “f*** me and my child he doesn’t want to see us and he is going to start a new family.”
I’m really sad about that because I don’t want my child to be hurt. I don’t know if I should get back into that relationship so my girl remains happy. I really don’t want to break up with my current boyfriend because he has been nothing but good. He thinks I am the most amazing girl he has been with and wants me to carry his baby. I really don’t know what to do.
Dear V: Each time I read these letters I am almost convinced that women do not know what is good for them. Here you are writing about the abuse from your ex-boyfriend and the unhappy life you had with him then after meeting someone who treats you the way you want to be treated, you are confused as to what you should do.
From the essence of your letter, you’re not portraying yourself to be a trustworthy female. The fact that you put password on your phone suggested that you were hiding something. Usually when females have locks on their phone, it means just that. And you proved my suspicion when you admitted that a few weeks before you were asked for your password, you slept with another guy.
Of course, I do not condone any abuse towards anyone, including women. And your boyfriend should have been in jail.
However, the fact that you’re now entertaining your ex and have already cheated on a good man means that you’re not ready for a relationship.
There are many women who are no longer in a relationship with the fathers of their children and their children have grown to understand the situation. It is not the end of the world. Would you want your daughter to grow up seeing you being abused by her father? That will have a negative impact on her life.
As she grows older, you can explain to her why daddy is not around. She will understand if you develop that close and stable daughter and mother relationship with her.
As for your ex, he does not love you. He was using you for his selfish desires. See how quickly he gave up on you?
And your poor boyfriend? I am so sorry for him. If he is reading this, please dump this letter writer.
And letter writer? You need to take a break from relationships from sometime and enjoy your freedom, grow up, do research on what makes a good relationship, and then wheel and come again because you’re not ready. You have already cheated on a man who is showing you real love and thinking about going back to a demonic man. That does not sound like someone who wants good.
So my advice is to take a break.
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