I need help with my bad-talking boyfriend

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I need help with my bad-talking boyfriend

Dear Dr. Cindy: My name is Melissa and I have been dating/living with my boyfriend for almost a year now.

I recently have been having health issues and have not been able to work. My father helped me purchase a house before I got sick but now I’m unable to work to pay the bills. So I rely on my boyfriend for my income. He seemed to be understanding about this until a couple months ago.

He has been distant and started talking bad about me to his family and friends. I have confronted him about this and he says he didn’t mean how it sounded, and apologized. I didn’t accept his apologies.

Do you have any advice on what I should do or say?

Thank you.
Melissa

Dear Melissa:

I am sorry to hear about your health issues and not being able to work, it sounds difficult. Additionally, the distance between you and your boyfriend, and the bad things he has been saying about you to family and friends, appears to only compound the situation.

I can see how you may be in need of advice as to how you may proceed with the matter. First, you stated that you confronted your boyfriend.

Now, does this mean you pointed out his inconsistencies as far as stating he was okay with the financial challenges, but still he acts differently? If so, I applaud you for taking the initiative to address a subject of contention in the relationship, as beginning a dialog is the first step to resolving any difficulties in the relationship. I do suggest, however, to be open and willing to hear his side as well.

Remember, not to blame or to judge him, but rather, simply state your feelings and how his actions have contributed to them. Let him know that you recognize and appreciate the fact that he is financially supportive of both of you. Also, let him know of your concern of involving others in your private relationship and the effect this has on the relationship.

Second, I suggest pausing for a moment and attempt to understand he too may be frustrated and overwhelmed with the situation, as the household income has dropped from two contributors to one, and this it appears was not planned. This, however, does not excuse his aforementioned behavior, but may explain it.

I suggest continuing the dialogue here; this may lead to both of you being able to express yourselves without hurting the other, and be able to support each other emotionally through this difficult time.

Third and last, with respect to your “health issues”, you have not disclosed much, so I will respond as follows:
If the health issues are permanent and you may have been forced to retire early because of health issues and you are eligible, I suggest looking into social security disability benefits.

If, however, the situation temporary, or it may be a matter of your mobility and you may be able to handle it health wise, I suggest considering some form of at home employment, where you can work from the comfort of your own home. This may include, but not be limited to telemarketing and sales jobs.

How you proceed will depend on the severity of your health issues. I do hope that the above have been helpful, and as you medicate on what I have presented, you see things clearer and have a better sense of how to move forward.

Best Wishes,
Dr. Cindy

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5 COMMENTS

  1. lol @ lester comment long time I have not words like RORO looks like I left SLU 2 long,Any way I like the advise Dr Cindy gave Melissa but as a Christian I would say to Melissa flee from fornication that life style will not bring you any thing but grieve , you are investing in a man that's not obligated to you. If he loves you he will do whats right by you,rely on no man but your heavenly Father.you cannot go wrong if you surrender your life to him,I am living it and I won't give it up for any thing in this world. sorry to hear you not feeling well,God can healed you too trust in him.And him only Love Jl

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    • Amen JR. Living and obeying God is the best way anyone can live. Flee all forms of fornication and if you have never been married, wait on the Lord. He surely will send someone holy to you.

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  2. AA...So Melissa how do you know the guy was talking bad about you?...Not sick you sick?...You are supposed to be resting or maybe doing some house work & cooking & handling the day to day issues in the house.I suspect Melissa is either on the phone all day talking & gossiping so with Gossip she must have overheard her Bf(the same man who pays the bills & is outside working his butt off)said something maybe in a joke & Melissa who claims to be Sick wants to start a roro about it.I the man would LEAVE.STAY & QUARREL WITH YOURSELF.

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    • what you talking about Lester....Melissa's boy friend should not be gossiping about her to family and friends if he has something to say it should be to her face surely give the girl some respect cha man like that we call (gyal)

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      • How do we know it was gossip,the guy said it wasn't like it sounded.We all know how gossip like to twist around when it makes it to the ears of the 'victim'.If is argue she wants to argue then I feel her BF should just pack his stuff & dip...Personally in my house-hold NO WOMAN CANNOT argue in there,if any arguing then I'm gone.Don't tell me the poor guy is working his butt off & comes home to argument.If this guy is still there then he's SOFT.

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