I love my jailed boyfriend, but I cheated on him

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I love my jailed boyfriend, but I cheated on him

Dear Dr. Cindy: I am 21 years old. I have been with my boyfriend from school days. We have had our ups and downs but we still love each other very much. We have a beautiful two-year-old daughter.

He was my first boyfriend, first touch, first kiss, first everything came from him. About a year and a half ago he got into some trouble and is now in prison. I was unemployed and devastated when this happened, and is still going through a difficult time now that he’s not here.

A few months after him being in prison, I started dating a guy. He is at least twice my age but he is so sweet and I’m very comfortable with him. We went out and had sex.

Then I met another guy and the same thing happened; but after a while I stopped seeing the second guy and decided to stay with my first guy.

My love for my boyfriend is still the same, if not stronger. I go to visit him every week, and in talking, I confessed everything to him. He was heartbroken but then told me he forgave me and understands why I did what I did.

I don’t want to hurt him but I am tired of crying, although I don’t want for when he is out for us to be over.

I even took a break from my friend (the first guy) up until recently when we started going back out.

I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much but I want to live life. I want to feel loved and he is in prison for a very serious offense and I do not know when he will be out.

Please help me, I am confused. Should I wait for him or move on, although I don’t consider me having someone really moving on because I’m still hooked on him and the guy has his girlfriend in the US.

Lady V

Dear Lady V: I am sorry to hear of the difficult time you are having during what you have presented as a confusing time.

The decision to wait for your incarcerated boyfriend or to move on should be made by you.

I suggest looking at all that you have herein presented and try to answer honestly a few questions. These may bring you closer to your answer/decision.

You presented a pattern of meeting a guy, going out and then having sex. Perhaps you can begin there, why was the behaviour repeated?

Do not make your decision fully on emotions, that is, an emotional reaction to the situation such as anger, annoyance, disgust, or even happiness.

Look at all of the practical aspects as well. For example, you have the responsibility of a two year old daughter; who needs you to be emotionally healthy and physically present to care for her.

From what you have presented, you love your boyfriend and you have struggled with being faithful partly because of his absence. You stated that, “ I love my boyfriend so much but I want to live life I want to feel loved… .”

This too may be another question to ask yourself, that is; is it possible/can you live life and feel loved with your boyfriend despite him being incarcerated?

Best Wishes,
Dr. Cindy

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Cimorge Counseling & Consultation, Inc, published every Wednesday exclusively on this site, provides responses for Dear Dr. Cindy. These responses are the professional opinion of Dr. Cindy M. George and are not to be thought of as counseling or advice. The professional opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Dr. Cindy M. George, Cimorge Counseling & Consultation, Inc., and Alliance News Ltd/BVI News Online/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user, or any third party associated with the user.

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24 COMMENTS

  1. I wouldn't worry about it. He's probably getting laid too, although I doubt he's enjoying it like you are.

    Tell your jailed boyfriend that when he gets out, you two can see if there's still a connection, but in the meantime you'll be seeing other men. When he does get out, make sure he gets tested before you catch whatever he got in prison.

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  2. Your baby daddy lock up move on its nothing he can do for you or y'all daughter I wouldn't focus my attention on him as a mother you need to get your life together for your daughter get your self educated find a good paying job and let good send you Mr.Right

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  3. @ DEE, a person going to prison its still a human being.We must stop that mentality in the caribbean that when some one goes to prison his or her life is over and his/her partner cant wait for them.What rubbish.??

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  4. You don't need a man in your life to feel loved of to "live life" as you say, you need to get a job and focus on caring for your daughter and yourself a guy twice your age may spend the money but isnt interested in any long term something with a woman who is half his age and unemployed.

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  5. Young lady.. the best advice i can give you..people make "choices".. your ex made the decision to commit himself without thinging of you and his daughter and how this will affect your lives...hence he is so forgiving becuz he now sees how he dicision is affecting you.......with that being said....You are a mother now...and your sole responsibility is your daughter....in my opinion your should definately not wait for this "imprisoned boyfriend" no matter how much you love him....it would be a bad dicision....try to think clearly, empower yourself....educate yourself...find a job....concentrate a your daughter....take your time and find a good young man.......you deserve it...we all fall short soemtimes...but what counts is how well we pick up ourselves.......you only have one life to leave...dont waste it on an imprisoned man who will just hold you back.....plus you dont know if he is engaged in homo activity in jail.....and if he it he wont tell you anyway...why do this to your daughter...she deserves much more than that........Just becuz your love someone doesnt mean you have to settle for less

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  6. I will not consider this to be cheating its moving on ,and he should not be upset because he is not there to provide for you and your 2 yr old .you need to live your life .I am certainly sure if he was in your place he would do more in just a couple of weeks think of your future

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  7. in ur moda bkside u eh kno u must not cheat ! jus leave da salop in prison alone nuh.. #NONSENSE

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  8. being unemployed and having responsibilities such as having a kid is a hassle. it is very difficult to get a job these days in this economic times. u said that ur bf is in prison for a serious offense and u have no idea when he will be out so i think being in this situation the answer should be clear. stay with the older guy who is taking care of u right now and if/when ur bf comes out u can reevaluate the situation and make a final judgement. people sometimes stay remanded in prison for over 10 years.

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  9. Choops, you mus b a woman its a mistake if she did it one time, to have done it twice is definitely a pattern, note that she did it with different guys,smh,if you feel cold at night an want some1 to warm you up, then find someone, you can't have a boyfriend in prison,wanting and loving him with all your heart but seeing two different guys n sleeping with them,oh wait maybe she can, this is st.lucia gurls nowadays doing much more tings dan fellaz, n think of the example you're setting for your baby girl, even if you don't sleep with the men at your home you go out with them, who are you leaving your daughter with? your mom, smh, you should've realised your first mistake prolly seeing this questionable behavoir in your "boyfriend" but thinking it would go away, then having a child with him n thinkin that would change his behavoir and by extension yours cuz you didn't just decide that you want to live your life,something told me you've always been doing that regardless of the consequences, which is why you find yourself in the situation you're in now, and the situation you'll find yourself in the future, 30 something,with kids n lonely cause you wanted to live your life when you was young.........

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  10. i read Cindy's advice an i really dnt fink da writer is goin to benefit from dat but mayb she was lookin for sum experience since she's only been wit one man an like every woman she seeks for attention love an sex but my advice continue beung honest with ur boyfriend...an if wnt sum to hold u or tlk to ...stay wit da first guy an live ur life clean an ppl wil always b fast to judge but da important thing is u knw urself...Readers plz giv sum good advice cuz i knw sum1 in a similar situation ..i'll hve check dis out

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  11. Now that your boyfriend is incarcerated, i suggest you find a decent job so you won't "live life" by seeing other people. plus, you love your boyfriend your love your boyfriend but do you love yourself? You don't want to live him because he is incarcerated but what happens after he comes out? like you said, he is in for a serious offense...how will he be able to find a decent job and provide for the daughter you have with him? One thing you need to know too, if you look at the statistics, you will see how many of these excons actually go back to prison once they are released....especially after a long time. Common now...young women need to stop thinking love comes from men, find love in yourself, your daughter your family...thats love too! it does not only come from a man twice your age with his woman telling you nice things to get what he wants in your pants. Ask yourself too, when the "first guy's" girlfriend returns to slu...where will you be? or what if he decides to pick up and go meet her?

    I am very disappointed in Cindy's response, you could've atleast provided a lil more guidance, this is why I dont speak to therapist and wll these counselors, at the end of the day you feel like you wasted your time!
    MY OPINION

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    • I truly believe in what this writer has to say. The first think you must is reevaluate yourself, and see what is the best thing for you, and your child. Why do you think you need a man to continue your life's journey, your daughter needs to see the strong woman yu are, in getting a stuff in order. Invest in yourself, get a job, put your knees to the floor and pray, ask God to guide you and not a man. You have to believe in you and that you can survive. Love your daughter enough to make the best life for her and you.

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  12. Why dont you just move on! You obviously cannot hang around for this guy to get out.
    Its not love! If you loved him you would'nt have slept with other guys.
    Make up your mind! Stop sleeping with different men, its not a good example for your daughter. Have a bit more respect for yourself, i am sure that there is a decent man out there that you can have a proper relationship with.most guys out there will take advantage of your vunrability at this moment

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  13. Does she believe in God ? If you love someone you will have the patience to wait. Or let that person go. That thing about women have needs? Everyone has needs. But I think she's allowing her emotions to get the best of her she aint love him because she sees it as her life. If she saw it as their life she'd leave... Him or be faithful.

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  14. What you doing with a man in prison ?

    Why you dating convicts ?... you like the bad-boys ... eh ?

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    • wat u mean afta so long bcuz he's in prison she shud jus give up on him ...sounds like it his first time every one deserves a second chance

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  15. its not a pattern if she's only done it twice. women have needs and if her boyfriend is in prison its only natural that she will seek to have these needs met. whether its sexual or just to have someone there for you to prevent you from being lonely.
    if your boyfriend can understand this then fine. your heart will always wait for him but it makes no sense waiting miserably.

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  16. If you luv sum1 you won't cheat,and you did, not once but twice, stop mistaking infatuation for love,at this point you're young it would be best if you stop giving yourself to different men,these men don't really want you they're just with you because of your emotional and physical "availability" you clearly don't want to wait for your "boyfriend" don't get caught up in this "I want to live life" thing take care of your body, you're only messing up yourself later in life, see one person and give yourself to one person only

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  17. she should be mindful of the example she is setting for her daughter, you don't have to sleep around to "live life". Children are smarter than we give them credit for and you don't want to bring different guys around your child all the time. Now that your boyfriend is incarcerated, you have to put your child first as a responsible parent and make decissions that are going to better your life and give her what she needs to grow up to be a strong woman.

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