He was my first boyfriend, first touch, first kiss, first everything came from him. About a year and a half ago he got into some trouble and is now in prison. I was unemployed and devastated when this happened, and is still going through a difficult time now that he’s not here.
A few months after him being in prison, I started dating a guy. He is at least twice my age but he is so sweet and I’m very comfortable with him. We went out and had sex.
Then I met another guy and the same thing happened; but after a while I stopped seeing the second guy and decided to stay with my first guy.
My love for my boyfriend is still the same, if not stronger. I go to visit him every week, and in talking, I confessed everything to him. He was heartbroken but then told me he forgave me and understands why I did what I did.
I don’t want to hurt him but I am tired of crying, although I don’t want for when he is out for us to be over.
I even took a break from my friend (the first guy) up until recently when we started going back out.
I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much but I want to live life. I want to feel loved and he is in prison for a very serious offense and I do not know when he will be out.
Please help me, I am confused. Should I wait for him or move on, although I don’t consider me having someone really moving on because I’m still hooked on him and the guy has his girlfriend in the US.
Dear Lady V: I am sorry to hear of the difficult time you are having during what you have presented as a confusing time.
The decision to wait for your incarcerated boyfriend or to move on should be made by you.
I suggest looking at all that you have herein presented and try to answer honestly a few questions. These may bring you closer to your answer/decision.
You presented a pattern of meeting a guy, going out and then having sex. Perhaps you can begin there, why was the behaviour repeated?
Do not make your decision fully on emotions, that is, an emotional reaction to the situation such as anger, annoyance, disgust, or even happiness.
Look at all of the practical aspects as well. For example, you have the responsibility of a two year old daughter; who needs you to be emotionally healthy and physically present to care for her.
From what you have presented, you love your boyfriend and you have struggled with being faithful partly because of his absence. You stated that, “ I love my boyfriend so much but I want to live life I want to feel loved… .”
This too may be another question to ask yourself, that is; is it possible/can you live life and feel loved with your boyfriend despite him being incarcerated?
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