I got married to my best friend’s lover

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I got married to my best friend’s lover


Dear Willie:
My boyfriend and I have been together for close to two years now, however it came at a price. You see my boyfriend was once my best friend’s lover who she claimed I stole from her.

It all started when she found out that he was actually her cousin. After that the guy and I drew closer and closer until we became an item. Although my friend says she’s forgiven me, I still feel like she has it out for me.

We remained friends but we are not as close as we once were. If I could turn back the time and change it I would, but I’m not sure if I’d want to considering the fact that I really love him. To this day the guy and I are still together. We’re actually married. My friend got an invitation but never showed.

I love my friend like a sister and I just wish she’d truly forgive me. After all, I’m married to her cousin. We’re practically family.

Please help me.

Confused

Dear Confused: Try to understand how your girlfriend feels. Put yourself in her shoe. How would you feel?

Women usually do not date their best friend’s ex-boyfriend, out of respect for their friendship.

What if the guy was not her cousin? It would give the impression that you had eyes – all that time – on your best friend’s boyfriend. The ONLY reason you and her are still friends is because the guy turned out to be her cousin.

Obviously, based on your letter, she still has a grudge against you. I do not think she truly trusts you anymore because to her, she probably feels that you had an eye on the guy before this revelation.

However, if you want to move on, you must get over the past. What’s done is done.

Do not be confused but just be understanding. You should not have been surprised that your bestie didn’t appear at the wedding. She would have taken it worse if you had not invited her, and she probably takes offense to the invitation. Either way, you cannot win in this situation as it relates to her feeling about the matter. She once loved the guy you’re now in love with. And she is your best friend.

Some friends would definitely not date the guy regardless of the outcome.

But stop being confused, focus on your marriage, try to be a better friend but it’s not worth being confused now. Just learn from your mistakes.

I wish you a successful marriage.

Willie 

Email letters to [email protected] Letters are strictly confidential and total privacy maintained. Also see disclaimer below.

Dear Willie is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday exclusively on this site. The responses by this column are the opinion of the author of Dear Willie and are not to be thought of as counseling or advice. The opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Dr. Willie and Andrews Media Services Corp/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user or any third party associated with the user. 

 

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41 COMMENTS

  1. You shud have supported ur friend through this but you decided to take over,you never loved or cared for ur friend u where just a jealous friend pretending to care,it doesn't matter they r couzns or not,just remember what goes around comes around,ur husband already proved to you with no doubts that he can be taken easily especially during bad tyms,gud lucj

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  2. the circumstance warrants the relationship to be a blessed one , in the 1st instance she was in a common law relationship and after finding out she is his cousin he got a chance to get married which is god law.

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    • Who says anything about gods law? The lady was talking about marrying her best friends ex.
      I think the guilt is killing her. It a 'given' YOU DO NOT DATE YOUR BEST FRIENDS EX, PERIOD!!!! I have NEVER and will NEVER do that!! Did she actually think the friend would not mind? PLEASE!! I think she always had an eye on the guy and she JUMPED at the chance that they are cousins. and to actually INVITE her to the wedding is like putting salt in an open wound!! You love your friend like a sister??? REALLYYYY!!! Like the saying goes with FRIENDS like you who needs ENEMIES!!!
      OF course the girl knew she and the guy could no longer be in a relationship once it was known they were cousins. But she was expecting you to be there for her in her time of sadness, not DATE him!! You must understand that the pain of betrayal she feels from you is deeper than losing the guy. You say you and your husband are happy and you love him, then i suggest you leave the girl alone and move on. I can guarantee you that, the friendship you guys had is DEAD. And to the friend, don't force something that's no longer there love, You trusted her and she betrayed you. You and i both know that the friendship is over, move on with your life and be HAPPY!! After the rains, there's ALWAYS a rainbow.

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  3. I for one will not be able to date any guy that my bestfriends been with that interfers with the friendship code for sure.But things happen my girl,he turned out to be her cousin she cant make no dozens with him...So she need to move on and u enjoy your marriage point blank period

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  4. Salop!!! It only mean ud do it to yur sis mom who ever it may be u have no respect an very selfish remember karma is a bitch who comes back even worse hope u feel know way if yur friend takes yur "husband" !!!

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  5. One man's ex is a next man's treasure. After all the guy turned out to be her cousin. So i guess maybe she a jealous since she know that he might have been a good catch. Sweetie focus on your marriage and move on. Life is to short for mess.

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  6. Ppl keep saying she stole him from her. No, the best friend broke up with the guy bcuz the best friend found out she and the guy are related. So, in my opinion, the bestie shouldn't be upset.

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  7. People are different, A&B were best friends A was dating Roul after three years when they went to introduce their families they realized they were first cousins. A was crushed and devastated so she encouraged B her best friend into a relationship with Roul. B took sometime to get into it but is now married has two kids. A is now married to someone Roul introduced her to. They are all very happy now.

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  8. I agree with the best friend stay in Your section. She was never a best friend. The poor girl must be there going thru hell with a man while u there enjoying life with her ex. I would rather seeing and knowing my ex dating a stranger than a family member, friend or worse yet best friend especially if that ex was very good to me.

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  9. As a rule by best friends and I never date each others ex. We put our friendship before dicks. Love you @ Sadela Charles and Shana Louis. Will never trade and that's true friendship and further more if she was truly or buff then she would have been part of your wedding planning and wouldn't need an invitation like a stranger. Admit it you traded her in when she needed u the most.

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  10. writer needs to just be cool with the ex bfiend and look to her marriage. One other thing i will say, that the lady should be haooy for either her cousin, her friend or both of them for being happy. I do understand they were together, but he is marrried to writer. a true friend ir cousin would be happy for them. you cant throw away a good relationship damn well marriage for a friend. who will keep you warm at night, your husband or your friend, who would jump at the opportunity to get her new man put before you...keep your husband, he comes first

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    • Added to that, the friend might just want you to be miserable as her. the fact she lonely she may be super jealous that you are now moving onhappily so much so you marrried, espeially if she always saw you as the one to be without a man. I got it from a woman self that they be jealouos when their friend get goos relationships and they dont.she is just jealous that u got the best

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  11. I do not c anything wrong with this. I am in a similar situation. My ex was my husband best friend. After I broke up with my ex his bestfriend started dating me. It created an issue. My ex got mad at my husband which was his best friend. Enemy and all but now they are close friends again. I just promised my husband that I will never speak to my ex again and so far after almost eight years of marriage we nevee had any further problems with the whole situation. We just keep our respect. Life is just a very strange and funny thing.

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  12. The man is her cousin what she going to do with him ?? You hurt her by being with her ex lover but life is short ,move on and continue making your husband happy....

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  13. huh yall serious? the lady said after time they got close. I didn't understand that to mean she jumped at him the moment they broke up. Secondly a relationship is a two way thing. I m guessing it was the man that proposed. MY dear right now your husband is your best friend. She is no longer your best friend and that may never be the case again. Don't live your life in regrets. your best friend now needs to get her own man because the one you have is yours. so make him happy and don't feel bad about it.

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  14. U obviously envied the relationship ur bestie had with her now cousin, I could think of a whole lot of words 2 call u but hey its all said and done u value ur relationship with him now than her u were neva her friend nonetheless hv a successful marriage

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  15. Funny how you are only now concerned about her feelings. Where was that when you and her ex lover..cousin or not were hooking up? But anyways boo makes no sense ruining your relationship over buried caskets. But stop expecting ur bestie to forgive you because it just might not happen. I'm very concerned about the time interval specially when y'all became an item..day after the cousin thing came up? Hmm.. Anyway the guy wasn't exactly innocent so don't call the woman a hoe .

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  16. I believe you crossed the line when you got involved with this man. Regardless of him being related to your friend. You just don't do a friend'S ex or a relative ex no matter what. Anyway you are married so just move past this the damage is already done

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  17. Its her cousin. I don't understand why she has a grudge. I don't promote incest. She should be happy her best friend got a good man.