When we started hanging out there was this older white woman in particular that he posted pics of on his Facebook (FB) and Instagram. When I noticed how cozy the two of them looked in the pics I asked him whether they had something and he indicated that she did have an interest towards him and they kissed once. He also said that she was only here for a week. But he has never posted pics of any girl before but this woman in particular.
I told him that I didn’t feel comfortable about him having her pics and after over a week of arguing about it he removed them.
He has always given me reason to suspect that he has a preference for white women as he always says that they are more affectionate than black women and that black women always wear weave and he hates that. I have seen posts on his FB page about hating black women because they are argumentative and fake. Yet I am a black woman and he claims to love me every day.
He has also told me that he wants to marry me because I’m all he ever wanted. Yet I feel this level of insecurity when it comes to him and white women. I have spoken to him about the way I feel and we always end up in an argument about race which is funny because he is a black guy.
Is it normal for me to feel insecure? Should I trust him, especially this older white woman?
Dear Miss: Your boyfriend sounds like a very bold and expressive person. He appears to have been very open with you. He could have lied and said he never kissed the woman. Sometimes being honest creates a problem.
He probably has a preference for white women because he may have had some very bad experiences with black women. However, the fact that he is with you means that you’re very, very special. He could have been with a white woman. He could have been with the white woman in his pics. However, he chose to be with you, and you should be thankful.
Unless he does something drastic, please stop nagging him and being insecure. If you continue to be nagging, then this will prove his point.
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Being openly insecure will not help your relationship. And you know it is not helping now either. It is just causing arguments, which will eventually lead to break-ups if continued.
If he continues to bring up the white woman subject, tell him you’re offended and he needs to stop, and also promise him that you won’t bug him anymore about the topic.
So give him a break. And always have your eyes open, but never put yourself in a position where you can be blamed for causing the breakdown of your relationship.
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