I don’t like the company my ex brings around our child

Dear Willie

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Dear Willie: I was in a relationship with my daughter’s father for seven years. We had no problems until I got pregnant. His whole behaviour changed and he started cheating so I ended the relationship. We have an eight month old. He provides for her and supports her very well.

After we broke up I allowed him to have her for a few days from time to time, but I stopped. This is because I don’t like the company he keeps and I certainly don’t want his women to be around my child.

I believe in raising my child with certain morals and principles but the type of characters he associates with are certainly not individuals I want her to be around. I’m not judging anyone but they are not positive role models. I know him well enough and he can’t live a day without his friends. I’m not telling him how to live his life but just to respect our little one and refrain from bringing her around these people.

He keeps begging me to allow her to spend a few days with him but I won’t.

I would love for him to be present in her life but since he insists on having my child around these people, I won’t allow it. Am I doing the right thing because I surely don’t want to rob my daughter of a relationship with her father.

Yours sincerely,
Stuck

Dear Miss:I agree with you. No woman will just prevent a man, who provides adequate support, from spending time with his child unless it is very a very good reason.

However, you should talk to him once more, make it very clear, give him another chance and see if he will live up to his words. If he does it again then do what’s best for your daughter. An alternative is to have him spend time with the child at your home. My mother did that with my stepfather. After they broke up, he was allowed to come by her house and visit my brother. They would spend time OUTSIDE for a couple hours.

But you must endeavour to come to some agreement with him regarding visitation, otherwise this may end up in court. You’re also advised to seek some legal opinion.

Also it is sad his behaviour changed when you had a baby. That happens a lot. It’s like after the child is born the woman’s value drops in the eyes of many men. But do not worry, as the saying goes, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

Continue to take the best care of your daughter.

Willie

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35 comments

  1. I can relate. When my ex and I broke up he did a complete 180 with lifestyle, friends and personality. We had a nice life, a nice house and a small circle of normal friends with kids, he had a great job and I was a SAHM providing daycare for another child full time for extra money. Then we broke up. He started hanging out with the lowest of lowlifes, drug dealers, drinkers and druggies, teenagers and womanizers. We are in our mid 30s. He stopped going to work, lost the house and moved in with his drug dealer buddy's 2 bedroom apartment. The roommate has a criminal record for selling drugs and domestic abuse. None of his current friends were in our lives when we were together, I don't know who most of them are. Our son shares a bed with his father during visitation. His father doesn't do anything for him, they never spend one on one time together, his buddies are always around. He never goes to work anymore due to severe mental health issues. When I ask him what their plans are or what they did during visit I'm told it's "none of my effing business". I don't ask for child support and he doesn't pay it. I, on the other hand, went out and found a full time job, saved up money to move out of my mother's house and get a nice 2 bedroom apartment for me and our child. It's been over a year. It took me 3 months to get back on my feet, my ex has worked on nothing but his social life. I could go on and on about my concerns, all of which are valid. Am I a jealous bitch? No, I am a loving mother who wants what is best for our child, and my ex is not stepping up to his responsibilities.

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  2. willie your advice is noted however she did not say what type of company he keeps.. some women can be very vindictive and spiteful because they felt they got burnt.. there should be some mediation however i think its a small case of jealousy, revenge and spite..

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  3. wen u have kids, u start(some ppl) living ur life differently. if u were around a bunch of smokers or drinkers or other sorts would u have ur child around them? parenting is about making decisions for your child it is no longer about u. sometimes her reasons are justified. if she is honest all she has to do is trust her instincts. i had reservations about my ex's gf and it turned out that i was quite. my kids still visit him but i always pray before they leave my home.

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  4. good woman!he will respect u when he understand your worth.some men are too ridiculous.ur child deserves the best and whatever u have to do to protect her, do it.he needs to grow up!

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  5. I Agree. We definitely have to be careful who we keep our children around. It's just you being a concerned parent. I also do agree with Willie about having him to come to your house to visit his child. There must be an alternative measure that you could probably take to prevent you child from being around the company that her father keeps.

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  6. Trust bambi to say a shate. Read the damn letter she wants the dad in the child's life she just don't like the jamet he has

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  7. Some times we have to give and take

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  8. Some times we have to give and take.

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  9. This woman doesn't have a problem with the guys friends....she seems like a jealous ex gf...who's scared her daughter gets attached to her ex bfs new gf....get a hold of urself woman...it's his daughter too smh...i hope ure not bringing ur daughter around any men too....ridiculous

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  10. I agree with Willie and the mother, children learn from their environment.If the father had a stable relationship then that's something else. IF he brings different women around the the child or persons who are not positive, then woman hold on to your child. You do not want years down the line you have your hands on your head because you do not know what to do because of your child's behavior.
    My dughte's father wouldnot bring any woman around our daughte until he settled into a real relationship, i was proud of him, and i did the same

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  11. Great advice Willie......I so agree

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  12. Lady you are just plain selfish.The child needs her father in her life too.Do not treat him as a sperm donor or a scumbag because you said her is a good provider.Stop hurting the guy and child.

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  13. @TA these women getting dirtier and dirtier day by day, and mine you they are SLUTS themselves!!I HATE WHEN A WOMAN USES AN INNOCENT CHILD to get back at their EX, THESE WOMEN ARE TO ....LOOOOOOOOOOP!!

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  14. You to INDISCREET to pass judgement on the mans friends!!Does he really appreciate your friends??YOU ARE A DIRTY WOMAN!!!GET A LIFE!!

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  15. Lol @ maddie I totally agree #boring

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  16. well said. i think you have hit nail with hammer. I myself have a daughter and the mother refuses to let me see my baby girl, ALL because I broke up with her. she keeps spreading rumours that I dont feed my girl, but in fact each time i give her money she refuses to take it, and family court refuses to take the money from me for the baby. She has tried many things to get at me, and even my wife now.she wont stop trying to get me in jail, so i will leave the girl for her for now. So Willie I disagree that a woman wont just so keep a kid away. she may be jealous of his new girl too.
    I dont trivialize her concern about the characters though, but just cause of his friends you cant prevent him seeing his child

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    • Sorry to hear your plight TA. It's so important for children to grow up with a father who has a positive influence on them

      Why don't you open up an account at the bank or credit union for your daughter, keep your records so when the time is right you can explain to your daugher or the courts, if needs be. Children are very smart, then your daughter will question her mother about why you stayed away.

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  17. Dat topic is boring but my girl I agree with u do wat u hav to do

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    • it is sad that a little girl's future is boring to you.
      this is important for the girl to hae her daddy thoug cause we dont want to later on discuss her on Willie.

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    • I guess it is boring to you because it has nothing like what you are used to.(man/woman).This one may well educate you or is it too close to home?

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  18. what if the child father says he don't like your group of friends.... choop at u girl

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  19. I couldn't agree more. Parents are to be positive role models to their children. This would also include the type of individuals they bring around. We are talking about a little girl and mothers can never be too careful specifically with the number of child molestation cases we hear about. I applaud you for standing your ground. You do what is best for your child and if her father genuinely wants to be around her he will make the effort and necessary changes. After all it is very important to have a father daughter relationship. Like Willie suggested speak to him and see where things go from there. Hopefully for your daughters sake he makes a decision her in mind. She should come first at all times. Good luck and all the best!

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  20. Dats the case with many men I give my son's dad the option to call him since he is abroad but he wants me to call him so sad. Well said one man's trash is another's man treasure. He won't stop sweetheart protect ur daughter the best way u can.

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  21. So"those people" were not his friends when you 2 were together for SEVEN years? You don't want your daughter around his women,so you will never have a man?(i pray to God the man u get not a undercover pedophile) from what am reading this man is immature and a "wild one" but yet still u stayed with him SEVEN years and u had a kid by him and now u blaming him? Well darling if the problem so bad take it to social services and not Willie!

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  22. Well said Willie.

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  23. Really willie that's the advise you giving the woman....think about this they broke up and he supports his child so she has nothing to complain about there..where else will she go to make the guy life miserable...obviously jump on his friemds...that woman is using the child to try to control the man. She says she is not judging anyone but read it for yourself ...looks like judging to me ..I totally agree that the young ones have to be protected and natured in a stable and safe environment but one should not use them as a form of control over a partner.

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  24. Well said. Children are like sponges they absorb everything, young lady do whats best, allow her to absorb good morals and positive values.

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  25. Don't ever second guess your decisions made in the best interest of your child. If the man was really concerned about the welfare of his child, he would take your concerns to heart. He can spend time with her under your supervision.... do not sever the bond between father and child, but stand up for the rights of that child. She needs to bepprotected from any bad influence

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  26. Dear stuck, I agree with you on the part where his friends not being a role model and you don't want your child's around them but you never said what kind of person the step mother is. If she's a good woman that care about the father and child I don't see why she can't be around this daughter. Sometimes we women act stupid and think because we're not with the man the new woman in his life shouldn't be with our child. We really need to change that and if the woman love our child let them hv a relationship they sometimes treat them great.

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    • especially if this is coming from a woman, then many kudos.
      the father has to though be careful that he doesnt have women in and out of his and daughter's life. but I mean when you see the women get a new man and the kids are all over their new man, do tell them nothing though...hypocrete women them

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  27. Oh Willie I cannot add or subtract nothing more to your advice.. my lady communication and compromise that's what merits a good outlook... Stay focused all you want is the best for your child and that awesome

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  28. As a man, I believe that this is a sad case of jealousy. Why wouldn't you want the guys girlfriend to be around her boyfriends daughter? Personally I don't believe it's the guys friends, it's the girlfriend. Afterall, she doesn't hv him anymore. This is just too common with baby mothers and father's to think otherwise. Sad!!!

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  29. seriously anonymous

    Great advice .... This is what I call a mother and a woman.... Stand up for your worth....

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