Dear Willie: Here is my situation. My ex and I broke up one and a half years ago because I believed he was cheater and also on the advice of some of my buddies who encouraged me to find someone better and move on.
Time has passed but Willie I have found myself dating at least four men and I can’t settle down as yet. As for my ex, I have noticed that he has moved on, built a solid foundation, doing things he never did with me, got married, and now the talk of the town is that his wife is now expecting.
Willie, I have tried to move on but I can’t. I have found myself thinking about him while I am with these other men. I tried my utmost best to make it seem like I am happy, make him jealous, but the truth is I am not nor does it look like it gets to him.
My friends make it seem like I am doing better without him but that is not the case. Maybe it’s because I pretend to. Willie, I have tried telling my ex I regret what I did but he pays me no mind and would give the most hurtful responses.
It’s like he can’t stand me but I still keep pushing myself. Some of his friends also told me that I should leave him alone because he has moved on, and that his dad and sister do not like me. But I still find myself calling, texting, trying to meet up, but he said I should just leave him alone; his only focus is our children.
Last night this man called my phone Willie, telling me that I need to stop looking so desperate by contacting people close to him who are also friends of his wife. Willie, I found myself cursing this man up and told him I have never contacted his friends but the truth is I really did just so that I can find out what’s going on, being unsure they would run back to him because I trust them, not only about him but personally stuff I have done.
Now I’m stuck there. All my friends seem to be living life, some of whom are friends with my ex’s wife but I feel confuse deep within, knowing that I walked away and now I am hurting.
He does everything for our kids but I have gotten to the point where I want to message his wife and spread some lies again, of things that never happened.
I am lost and confused. Please help.
Dear Miss: It seems like you’re missing the water when the well has run dry.
Well, you must have had good reasons to have left this man in the first place. You did say you believed he was a cheater.
I believe the problem is that you’re jealous of his new life. You probably never expected to him change and/or begin a more stable relationship.
I have seen situations where people break up and none of them messes with each other UNTIL one of them decides to move on to bigger and better things. Then all of a sudden, someone wants to reunite. I do not believe this is love. It is just jealousy.
Now I am afraid your jealousy has grown into obsession – a very scary aspect of it.
What you need to do is leave this man alone – no call, no texts, nothing. And stop dating different men and just relax and refocus.
No matter what you try, you will only push this man away from supporting or seeing his children.
I know it is hard as it is eating you up inside, but nothing you’re doing is making the situation better for you and for him. You’re also pushing your friends away.
The fact that you were brave enough to leave him because the situation did not work out you also have the potential to get back on your feet and prove to your friends and him that you can move on as well.
There are many fishes in the sea. It’s ok for you to date and get to know people, but do not get involved seriously with anyone until you’re over your ex.
Take my advice, leave this man alone before you end up pressing too many wrong buttons. It could cause you some jail time, a lifetime of embarrassment or death.
Be an example to your children. You can do it, trust me. You will rise from this.
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