I only met him like three years ago. I am now in my early 20s and he does not feel like a father in my eyes. I am attracted to my father. It sounds nasty but it’s not like I will yield or he is trying to make love to me.
It’s just that he doesn’t seem like my dad. He seems like any older man any girl would be attracted to. He does not look his age; tall, handsome and chocolate dark, nice, white teeth; a very cool personality too.
Sometimes I can’t help but think about him, but reality kicks in when I say “dad”.
Is this normal? Or is it because I only found out recently he is my dad. What if he is not my dad?
Thank you for writing. I can see your confusion as your feelings/emotions are not matching up with what you believe or have been taught a father-daughter relationship should be.
Your question of whether it is normal for a female to feel sexually attracted to her father does not fall under the realm of normal or abnormal as it relates to a mental disorder. I suspect you are more wondering from a moral and socially acceptable perspective. For the latter, I will not venture an answer as it leads to judgment and this is not my role a professional.
You indicated that you do not see him as a father, nor does he look like a father. This may be that there has not, from what you have presented, a sufficient connection or continuous/constant interaction with him to really establish and cultivate a father-daughter relationship. Should you want to develop a father-daughter relationship despite the present feelings of confusion, I suggest starting from scratch.
Get insight into why you are having these feelings. I suggest speaking to a professional counsellor who can help you sort through this. You may have 17 years of unanswered questions, hopes, disappointments, etc, as it relates to your father and the father-daughter relationship. This step will be the beginning of getting some resolve and/or understanding of the situation. I also suggest a counselling session(s) with your father as well. This will allow for a safe and trusting environment to communicate your thoughts and feelings and to hear each other out.
You do not seem concerned with acting on your feelings as you stated, “It’s not that I will yield or he is trying to make love to me.” Your issue seems to be the feelings/thoughts you have for him.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, the father-daughter relationship with him is still fairly new and will take time to develop.
In closing, you ask the question, “What if he is not my dad?” If there is doubt about this and knowing is a factor for you, I suggest considering a paternity test. If the answer to if he is your father or not is what you want, then, this is the most assured route of getting that question answered.
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