I am sexually attracted to my father

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I am sexually attracted to my father

Dear Dr. Cindy: Is it normal for a female to feel sexually attracted to their father?

I only met him like three years ago. I am now in my early 20s and he does not feel like a father in my eyes. I am attracted to my father. It sounds nasty but it’s not like I will yield or he is trying to make love to me.

It’s just that he doesn’t seem like my dad. He seems like any older man any girl would be attracted to. He does not look his age; tall, handsome and chocolate dark, nice, white teeth; a very cool personality too.

Sometimes I can’t help but think about him, but reality kicks in when I say “dad”.

Is this normal? Or is it because I only found out recently he is my dad. What if he is not my dad?

Help!

Confused

Dear Confused:

Thank you for writing. I can see your confusion as your feelings/emotions are not matching up with what you believe or have been taught a father-daughter relationship should be.

Your question of whether it is normal for a female to feel sexually attracted to her father does not fall under the realm of normal or abnormal as it relates to a mental disorder. I suspect you are more wondering from a moral and socially acceptable perspective. For the latter, I will not venture an answer as it leads to judgment and this is not my role a professional.

You indicated that you do not see him as a father, nor does he look like a father. This may be that there has not, from what you have presented, a sufficient connection or continuous/constant interaction with him to really establish and cultivate a father-daughter relationship. Should you want to develop a father-daughter relationship despite the present feelings of confusion, I suggest starting from scratch.

Get insight into why you are having these feelings. I suggest speaking to a professional counsellor who can help you sort through this. You may have 17 years of unanswered questions, hopes, disappointments, etc, as it relates to your father and the father-daughter relationship. This step will be the beginning of getting some resolve and/or understanding of the situation. I also suggest a counselling session(s) with your father as well. This will allow for a safe and trusting environment to communicate your thoughts and feelings and to hear each other out.

You do not seem concerned with acting on your feelings as you stated, “It’s not that I will yield or he is trying to make love to me.” Your issue seems to be the feelings/thoughts you have for him.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, the father-daughter relationship with him is still fairly new and will take time to develop.

In closing, you ask the question, “What if he is not my dad?” If there is doubt about this and knowing is a factor for you, I suggest considering a paternity test. If the answer to if he is your father or not is what you want, then, this is the most assured route of getting that question answered.

Best Wishes,
Dr. Cindy

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Cimorge Counseling & Consultation, Inc, published every Wednesday exclusively on this site, provides responses for Dear Dr. Cindy. These responses are the professional opinion of Dr. Cindy M. George and are not to be thought of as counseling or advice. The professional opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Dr. Cindy M. George, Cimorge Counseling & Consultation, Inc., and Alliance News Ltd/BVI News Online/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user, or any third party associated with the user.

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22 COMMENTS

  1. Confused indeed. You r one sick individual get help i mean mager help. You r a very nasty girl to think that i m throwing up right about now. NASTEY

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  2. I have struggled with Genetic Sexual Attraction for many years. I was adopted and then reunited many years ago. I was aware of the Westermarck effect and that by not having it, I might be vulnerable. Sure enough, I can say with complete honesty that I am in love/obsessed with my half sister. Fortunately I have good boundaries, and we have never discussed it as I love her too much to risk losing her.

    I am posting this so if there might be someone like me out there, you are not alone.

    I just GSA goes away. I'm sick of it.

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  3. @Op, look at the comments that are negative. Bad grammar, misspelling right and left, and poor punctuation.

    Half of the statements aren't even remotely coherent.

    What does this mean? Either, a bunch of teenaged or junior high school kids jumped on here and decided to impose their bad moods on someone or one singular rude ill-mannered and uneducated child decided to post more than once. Or it could be a small group of young uneducated adults.

    In any event, go and talk to an actual therapist. If you're scared of your own feelings obviously something is wrong.

    And no just because you may have a disorder it doesn't make you a bad person. What you choose to do with the disorder or feelings is the deciding factor.

    To the negative and downright rude people... Just because your life isn't grand doesn't mean you have the right to impose your feelings of inadequacy on someone else. Go fix your problems instead of deflecting.

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  4. May be late but why is it that human are so quick and eager to criticise with no knowledge of the fact?, why the name calling, because someone expressed their emotions?. If she was the name that you sorry people call her, why would she be seeking help?. Would it not be better that all the ones who are without sin cast the first stone!!! My guess it that perhaps the name callers are the ones who are more evil and maybe up to more badness. In my opinion all you who are so good and upright to be using foul words to express your feelings, should wash your mouth with soap and water. For the person expressing her feelings and seeking help, you have done the right thing, deep down you know it will not be right to yield to those feelings so take the Dr's advice as recommended. Please ignore the name callers I feel that they are very ignorant and probably need help too. You are a special person and don't ever feel any different.

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  5. I totally understand where she is coming from. Did you guys remember of the brother and sister who got married. They fell in love and later own they found out that they were brothers and sisters and were given up for adoption. at least she is not working on her feelings. the same way if she did not know if the guy was her father and she fell for him and slept with him.... great lesson for all those who are calling her a bitch. I hope your child knows their father or mother....

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  6. dat is 1 sick bitch worst than her mother even a dog you need help nd jesus becuz for sure he will punish you, nasty. salop!

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    • I take it you knew your father from you and he is not a stranger you met one day. understand her situation before you start calling the person names.

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  7. I don't understand why so many people are coming down so hard on her, cursing her. What did she do to yall. STFU. Who tell her mother to keep her away from her father? Who tell the father to be completely absent in the child's life in her developing stages?? It's not her fault that she feels this way and if she can have it her way, I'm sure she'd prefer not to feel so, just like she'd prefer to have her dad in her life growing up.

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  8. Lucians stop being small minded. I'm in no way entertaining that thought but if y'all effin read for once instead of being concerned of when the next session is taking place, you'd know there's a name for this condition. and as a psychiatrist 'dr.' cindy i expected you to know better.

    It is called GENETIC SEXUAL ATTRACTION and it only occurs to relatives that have been separated from many years from a toddler and reunited as adults. What she is experiencing is completely normal, it mostly happens to father and daughters. Sometimes it happens to long lost siblings as well. So FATHERS please be there for your daughters so you can teach her the true meaning of love.

    Here's a website explaining it more. http://www.geneticsexualattraction.com/

    there are many reports of these: http://www.irishcentral.com/news/Irish-woman-carrying-her-fathers-child-claims-theyre-in-love-118566849.html
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-557600/Father-daughter-baby-30-year-separation.html

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    • Writer, this can be your future. Please pray for strength:

      https://www.facebook.com/AuthorZane/posts/10151131018417267

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    • Crap! Satan is putting all kinds of stuff out there and we giving them names. Christ should be her focus and she should pray to God to take this sick thoughts out of her mind. ***Parents tell your children who their blood ties are so to avoid problems like this.

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  9. The only good advice given here was from Dr.Cindy, pay the others no mind. You are gift from God, not a "sick, desperate" or whatever other cruel and harsh words that was used to describe you. I undeerstand why you may feel like this especially being that you mentioned you never grew up knowing hom to be your father excepting the last 3 years when you were informed. To have feelings towards someone at times is an involuntary action. So it is only natural to grow a liking towards someone especially if you dont have the affirmation that this individual is related to you. I underscore what Dr. Cindy said, confirming whether or not the 2 of you are related should be your first step. From then, if you truly are related to each other, i'd advise that you try to build on a father-daughter relationship with the involvement of other siblings, which would eventually take you away from any inappropriate feelings wich you may have geared towards him.

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    • This feeling is another satanic ploy to lure people away from God. Get down on your knees and pray that this thought and feeling disappear. Let us as a people bury ourselves in Christ and His Word so even if thoughts like these surface we can easily and quickly get rid of them.

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  10. omg this is just nasty. y u have feelings for ur father. u need to go to a mental institution for a serious mental check up. whether u know him 2 months ago or three years ago, this is not normal and two whether he looks handsome or nor , he is still ur father. three eventhough there might be a chance that he is not ur father, y don't u get someone ur age group. i realise that most young girls these days like older men, especially those men who have their girlfriends and wives. u a very sick individual.

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  11. sometimes the mind can mess with us , it could be all in her head, sometimes it just be that the person in particular has the same qualities as any normal person she may be attracted to. but all in all its a strange story

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  12. You are sick to even reveal your feelings, for a man who might possible be your father. why in gods name would you even think of a man whom your Mother may have sleept with in that manner. You really need to pray, are you so desperate,girl control that thing between your legs, if you in heat go jump in cold water. get a grip of yourself. Keep calling him DAD.

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  13. You are one sick individual it's scary. I would tell you to seek mental help....but it would do you no good. You too far gone. Understanding this is beyond my comprenhension.

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  14. Goodness! We need to be more adamant and firm. It's a no no. He is your father don't even go there. And even if he is not your father there is a remote chance that he is. Go find someone your age or better yet turn to God to take this feeling of abomination out of you. You don't need any counseling. You need to pray more and seek God's guidance.

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    • Well said.....she is Just a nasty Bitch.....trying to bring down women....go masturbate instead of having sexually feelings for your father.....I feel like puking....pscho BITCH!!

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