Dear Willie: I’m in a relationship with this guy. I knew him from the time I was going to school. Before we got together he was in a long distance relationship in which he and his girlfriend were having problems.
We decided we were not gonna get attached, but then we started spending a lot of time together, and my feelings for him got strong, so did his.
His girlfriend found out about me and they broke up. Things been good with us for months. He treats me good but recently he an his ex have been talking back to each other.
Willie, I’m scared he’s gonna leave me and go back with his ex. Recently he’s been saying he told me he didn’t want a relationship, making me feel as if I forced him onto me. I hate when he says that because we both didn’t want relationships, but it happened. I don’t know what to do, thoughts of them getting back together is all I think about. They speak often. All he is saying is that she said she knows he has a girl so they could be friends. I don’t believe him. He even ends his conversation with her.
What should I do Willie? Am I wrong here? I’m scared of losing him.
Note: Willie, she lives overseas and only comes on holiday. He said he can’t deal with the long distance thing. He tells me he loves me every day and treats me no differently, but I’m just scared.
Dear Miss: You have a right to be scared because you ‘stole’ somebody’s man. What goes around, comes around.
Anyway, here is the real issue: I believe you were just the “fall girl” for this man. I believe he loves his ex a lot but the long distance was the main thing that affected their relationship. As a result, he found comfort in your friendship, and one thing led to another. You not only helped him through his situation, but you helped to have him for yourself. And it is clear you did, because now he is saying that he didn’t want a relationship with you. Very sad.
Always remember, if a man or woman can use you to cheat or leave someone else, they may do the same thing to you.
This is a lesson for everyone reading this: do not be the fall guy or fall girl for anyone, directly or indirectly. When people are going through their relationship mess, give your support, but set limits. Do not get entangled in this emotional web, because when all is said and done, and their relationship or friendship is working fine again, they will forget about you, or abandon you.
Also, do not get involved with anyone who is fresh out of a relationship. True love doesn’t die overnight.
OK let me stop scaring you now. This is what you should do, just stop bothering the man, stop being insecure, because if you continue, I am 200% sure he will use your nagging and/or insecurity as one of the main excuses to dump you and go back to his ex as fast as lightening. If she moves closer to him, that will be more cause for him to find a way to ditch you.
So do this: stop nagging him, make it appear like you believe him when he says nothing more than friendship is going on with his ex, but keep your eyes wide open, very wide, because based on what he did to his ex, he cannot be trusted – but give him no clear reason to leave. Be patient, smart and strategic.
And never get yourself in a situation like this again – if this does not work out.
Email letters to [email protected] Letters are strictly confidential and total privacy maintained. Also see disclaimer below.
Dear Willie is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday exclusively on this site. The responses by this column are the opinion of the author of Dear Willie and are not to be thought of as counseling or advice. The opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Dr. Willie and Andrews Media Services Corp/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user or any third party associated with the user.