I am scared of losing him

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I am scared of losing him


Dear Willie:
I’m in a relationship with this guy. I knew him from the time I was going to school. Before we got together he was in a long distance relationship in which he and his girlfriend were having problems.

We decided we were not gonna get attached, but then we started spending a lot of time together, and my feelings for him got strong, so did his.

His girlfriend found out about me and they broke up. Things been good with us for months. He treats me good but recently he an his ex have been talking back to each other.

Willie, I’m scared he’s gonna leave me and go back with his ex. Recently he’s been saying he told me he didn’t want a relationship, making me feel as if I forced him onto me. I hate when he says that because we both didn’t want relationships, but it happened. I don’t know what to do, thoughts of them getting back together is all I think about. They speak often. All he is saying is that she said she knows he has a girl so they could be friends. I don’t believe him. He even ends his conversation with her.

What should I do Willie? Am I wrong here? I’m scared of losing him.

Note: Willie, she lives overseas and only comes on holiday. He said he can’t deal with the long distance thing. He tells me he loves me every day and treats me no differently, but I’m just scared.

Dear Miss: You have a right to be scared because you ‘stole’ somebody’s man. What goes around, comes around.

Anyway, here is the real issue: I believe you were just the “fall girl” for this man. I believe he loves his ex a lot but the long distance was the main thing that affected their relationship. As a result, he found comfort in your friendship, and one thing led to another. You not only helped him through his situation, but you helped to have him for yourself. And it is clear you did, because now he is saying that he didn’t want a relationship with you. Very sad.

Always remember, if a man or woman can use you to cheat or leave someone else, they may do the same thing to you.

This is a lesson for everyone reading this: do not be the fall guy or fall girl for anyone, directly or indirectly. When people are going through their relationship mess, give your support, but set limits. Do not get entangled in this emotional web, because when all is said and done, and their relationship  or friendship is working fine again, they will forget about you, or abandon you.

Also, do not get involved with anyone who is fresh out of a relationship. True love doesn’t die overnight.

OK let me stop scaring you now. This is what you should do, just stop bothering the man, stop being insecure, because if you continue, I am 200% sure he will use your nagging and/or insecurity as one of the main excuses to dump you and go back to his ex as fast as lightening. If she moves closer to him, that will be more cause for him to find a way to ditch you.

So do this: stop nagging him, make it appear like you believe him when he says nothing more than friendship is going on with his ex, but keep your eyes wide open, very wide, because based on what he did to his ex, he cannot be trusted – but give him no clear reason to leave. Be patient, smart and strategic.

And never get yourself in a situation like this again – if this does not work out.

Willie

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Dear Willie is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday exclusively on this site. The responses by this column are the opinion of the author of Dear Willie and are not to be thought of as counseling or advice. The opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Dr. Willie and Andrews Media Services Corp/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user or any third party associated with the user. 

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50 COMMENTS

  1. Take note: "Always remember, if a man or woman can USE you to CHEAT or LEAVE someone else, they may do the same thing to you." #WORD#

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  2. Everybody is talking about leave people man, what about the character of the man! If he can not work things out with the woman overseas, why can't he finish it before starting an inappropriate relationship with the local girl. It shows a lack of self control on his behalf, something he needs to work on. If the girl was truly being a friend first she should have cast her feelings aside and not take advantage of his vulnerability. Boys use this excuse of vulnerability to satisfy their own selfish desires, where as men use this vulnerability as a building block to make their relationship stronger. Girls think they can change a man to cast the true feelings he has for his girlfriend, when in effect the boy will always question the girls character and not fully trust her. Because she has already shown her dark side and callous nature for taking what is not hers. Which will put his girlfriend in a better light if she has always been true and faithful. So he will always pine for the girlfriend and feel guilt. Even God grants divorce in the case of cheating, because he knows of the damaging consequences and effects it can have. So young lady and young man, all you have learnt in this rendez vous is that it was not true love and the both of you were not ready for a serious committed relationship. Learn from your lesson and try to be better, stronger people with God's grace. Forgive and move on.

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  3. He said he can’t deal with the long distance thing. "Lies". He want to have his cake & eat it. Ego starved, insecure & selfish. Not qualities of true love.

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  4. Well I was in a relationship with somebody who was still with his gf but it was long distance he is not a lucian buh we met in st lucia n go me it wasnt nun serious n he went bk to his country n we were still keeping in touch until a few months after he told me they broke up n wanted me to come to his country I wad scared as hell to be honest right n now im in his country with him no problems wen his ex gf sees me she dont say nun n so do I now he ask me to marry him but im still thinking bout dat but dats life

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    • Because she's been there & done that & moved on. Silence is powerful, u better hope he's not just settling out of insecurity.

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  5. Never be the fall back chick!

    This man used you as support to get over that relationship and so u will always feel insecure because u know how easy he cheated and ditched his ex and you know you might be the next victim. This shit has a psychological effect; i know it all too well!

    Next time leave the man in his drama n keep ur self head- ache free!

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  6. well said willie ...i agree with you to the T. from the start of the relationship she knew the man was in a relationship. she also know her motives. what goes around sure comes back...now your conscience troubling you. The overseas girl must have cried her eyeballs out at the time she found out you took her man.meanwhile you was happy on cloud nine with her man. ...now her tears will server you...

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  7. GIRL DAT NOT YOUR MAN...so move on. If you believe thats your man you donot know what it is like to have a man and be secure that THAT IS YOUR MAN. Move ON!

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  8. Oye the person must be in the same situation and believe their situation is ideal. Or the person is really ignorant. Why curse her for giving her opinion after being asked for it. The writer did not address the letter to you!

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  9. karma is a bitch.he wasn't yours in the 1st place.lucian women need 2 stop sharing...how do u ever expect him to be fully yours or to completely trust u or respect u wen u knew he had a woman(long distance or not)...u need to set your standards higher and then he will understand your worth.too bad..u shud b scared.smfh

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  10. @employee the lady wrote willie for advice so willie gave her a in my opinion constructive advice , so for you to tell willie "pay chew" you must be the lady in that situation or you just IGNORANT!!

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  11. willie in my opinion that is the best advice ever!!!!POOR GIRL i am assuming she does not have experience to see that willie!!

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  12. Women need to value themselves a little more in this world. It all starts with realizing your worth. If we all thought that we were valuable enough, we would not be stooping so low in the first place. It's just so sadd.

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