I am not in love with my husband

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I am not in love with my husband

Dear Willie: I have been married for seven years. In the beginning of the marriage, it was a bliss of heaven, but I realised after four years in my marriage that I am not in love with my husband.

I am in love with someone else. We have been friends for a long time, even before I met my husband. I have never cheated on my husband, but sometimes we mistake somebody’s kindness for love.

Dear Miss: Being friends and living with someone every day are two different scenarios. I have seen people in relationships for 10 years and when they finally get married and move in with each other, things go sour.

If you and your husband could stay in love for four years, then I do not see why you cannot last another four years or more. There must be a reason why you no longer feel the way you did many years ago. You haven’t indicated that in your letter. So it is difficult for me to address “a problem” when there is no specific problem, other than your concern that you no longer love him.

Marriage is a very serious thing. Females in particular love getting married. But they soon learn later it is not a bed of rose. It is something you have to be mentally, physically, emotionally and financially prepared for. Being in love is not enough reason to get married. Marriage is a lifetime commitment.

I urge you to try and fix your marriage. If it’s not working out, do what’s best for you. However, always bear in mind that the grass is not always greener on the other side. It may look green from a distance, but walking through the grass might reveal little things that you may not be able to deal with it.

Willie

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83 COMMENTS

  1. If she is asking is because she not sure of the long time friend, he must be a player. Also if the friend had care for her he would not have put her in that situation. Excitement she lacking so that position she in now it what she like. Tell me who likes that kind of drama. But the man she with now the so call friend will never trust her. Sick minds!!! If she sleeping with the friend and she still married, her who life doom!!!! Trust me the love making must be sweet but that all what the devil want you to feel.

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  2. Just don't know how dum some people can be,you have been there four four years,there is a problem,why don't you look at it from all angles and then fix it,but no,you would prefer to put yourself through all embarassing situations cause you think that someone else loves you,look before you leap and you leap to short.

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  3. AB I think you need to send in a letter as it is clear you have more issues than most of the letters sent.

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  4. First of all you was never In love for four years in your marriage.If u were why are you cheating on your husband.Never mistake lust for love.marriage is a serious thing,u made a vow better or worse,think twice before u make a decision u will regret

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  5. Look at it in this way; Life is in fact a chain of experiences. Some will pleasant and others will not. There is also the saying that absence makes the heart grow fond. When you commit to a marriage, you may find the challenging experiences come out of the woodworks to confront you, as a couple. Some have better coping mechanisms than others. Those with the not so good coping mechanisms often fantasize about what it would be like with someone who is not facing the fire with them presently... thinking that it might have worked out better with that mystery/other person. Up until you sit in thw flames with the other, you will never know if the outcome will be better... Marriage includes "for better or for worse"... Commit! Work it out! Talk it through! Seek help/intervention from a trusted third party (preferably an elder family member on either side. Marriage is never easy... never.

    I truly think some of us are missing the point/purpose of this forum guys. It is not about bashing the person who reaches out and asks Willie for advice (though there is freedom of expression)... Truth is: the scenarios presented here are real ones that prrsent thenselves in relationships all the time. There are guys who are married to women who truly commit to the relationship, yet the guy after some time may feel the need to spread his wings... He may feel tied down in the marriage. He may miss the intimacy or comforts of another woman in his past.. He may want to leave his woman for the past flame... What do you say to him? Do you bracket him into a % group? We need to express ourselves ofcourse... but preferably in a sensible manner... ht

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  6. I truly think some of us are missing the point/purpose of this forum guys. It is not about bashing the person who reaches out and asks Willie for advice (though there is freedom of expression)... Truth is: the scenarios presented here are real ones that prrsent thenselves in relationships all the time. There are guys who are married to women who truly commit to the relationship, yet the guy after some time may feel the need to spread his wings... He may feel tied down in the marriage. He may miss the intimacy or comforts of another woman in his past.. He may want to leave his woman for the past flame... What do you say to him? Do you bracket him into a % group? We need to express ourselves ofcourse... but preferably in a sensible manner... ht

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  7. Look at it in this way; Life is in fact a chain of experiences. Some will pleasant and others will not. There is also the saying that absence makes the heart grow fond. When you commit to a marriage, you may find the challenging experiences come out of the woodworks to confront you, as a couple. Some have better coping mechanisms than others. Those with the not so good coping mechanisms often fantasize about what it would be like with someone who is not facing the fire with them presently... thinking that it might have worked out better with that mystery/other person. Up until you sit in thw flames with the other, you will never know if the outcome will be better... Marriage includes "for better or for worse"... Commit! Work it out! Talk it through! Seek help/intervention from a trusted third party (preferably an elder family member on either side. Marriage is never easy... never.

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  8. My wife just like roro, she lie she with the man and I with his woman , we safe, married couples we are.

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  9. instead of advising the woman yourll degrading lucian women . your mother is a lucian womAN too so think before u write ur bullshit....... anyways my lady i think u should seek god and try to bring the spark back in your mariage cuz i bet if u live him u will want him back . life is very strange

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  10. BA if you feel that way about Lucian women why sleep with them? If they are that bad you deserve an STD for just using a woman.

    My lady I do not think you elaborated enough on what the problem is and for that reason I can't offer advice. The problem was not articulated here. There must be a reason to fall out of love with someone that you loved enough to marry.

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    • Are you also saying that 99.76% of Lucian women are carriers of STD's?

      I think you need to apologise to all SLU women for throwing them all "Under the Bus" like this.

      Hater!!!!

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