Forming the fool? After eight years, boyfriend is yet to ‘put a ring on it’

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Forming the fool? After eight years, boyfriend is yet to ‘put a ring on it’

dearwillie2.0-blueDear Willie: I am a lady and is in a relationship for eight years. We are both in our late 20’s and employed. Like every relationship, we have had our little problems but have worked them out quite easily. I believe we have something good going on.

For the past five years I’ve asked my boyfriend for a child. He said that he is not yet ready. Right now, for some reason I doubt the relationship because I feel like it is time that we take it to the next level (house, engagement/marriage, child) but my boyfriend is not yet interested in any of those.

I have many times considered breaking up, but changed my mind because I’m not sure if this is a good enough reason to let go of what we have. The situation makes me so sad. Can you please share your opinion with me?

Thanks!
Depressed

Dear Depressed: After eight years and he hasn’t put a ring on it, or at least hinted of something good to come? Well, I am sorry, but that’s just a waste of time.

I have seen folks together for longer, some up to 15 years, and are still not married – even after several children. On the other hand, I know folks who have been together for two years or less and are now married.

My recommendation is to stop bugging him. Give him another year, without ever asking about marriage, children, etc and see how it turns out. Sometimes the more we push, the more people run.

However, I must emphasise that eight years in a relationship with a man who is not even entertaining the marriage talk, is too long. He is forming the fool.

I wish you luck in this situation.

Willie

Email letters to [email protected] Letters are strictly confidential and total privacy maintained. Also see disclaimer below. Dear Willie is published Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. The responses by this column are the opinion of the author of Dear Willie and are not to be thought of as official counseling or advice. The opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Willie and Andrews Media Services Corp/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user or any third party associated with the user.   

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19 COMMENTS

  1. Y do we believe that after 8yrs it's a must to get married???????? Woman live a lil go out have a lil fun,

    (0)(0)

  2. Ok ...
    First of all I was in a relationship for 11years before we got married. I was in your similar situation we were going very well but he didnt wanna settle. I simply said i need space that was one yr of having space then he realized what he needed and wanted to have in his life. We are happily married and just deciding presently on starting a family. Some men know what they want no matter what they say to you. Evaluate your situation and see if it's for you at the present time. We had the best small wedding we good dream of. My advise is let him know how you feel if you have to step and take a break do that for your mental health.
    If you need counseling do that as well. We did six months prior to marriage and starting fresh.
    Every relationship is different.

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  3. same goes to me my girl 22 yrs in a relationship no marriage. But Two children with him n our house we have together so just pray

    (1)(0)

  4. I was in an eight year realtionship myself and we faced the same issues. At the time neither my boyfriend and I were ready to get married, we both had student loans, bills to pay and he was out of a job and looking while I was working. Everybody around us kept getting married abd having babies and friends kept pressuring us but our family stood firm and told us don't rush. We waited until we were debt free and in a good place to get married. Most of our friends who got married back then are now miserable because they rushed, got married because of kids or for show/because it was in style. I do not know your situation even though it appears to be similar. Maybe he does not want to get married because he feels like he is not ready to provide for you. Have an honest conversation with him about your expectations and relationship goals, if both of you are not on the same page then you have to decide whether or not you want to stay or leave. Every woman deserves to be married and be the main one... But never ever pressure a man into marrying you whether that be by getting pregnant or nagging him. Get married for the right reasons. Are you sure you want to get married to this man and have his kids? Or do you want to follow society norms and friends to get married?

    (29)(2)

  5. I can remember two couples in a similar situation, both ladies parted from the relationship and in a matter of months both guys were engaged and married in a 2year time frame, after the first relationship. After 4yrs of your life, if the relationship isn't going forward then you shouldn't go any further because the two of you don't have same goals as a family. Talk about it and make known your intention but don't use it as a threat....that will back-fire

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  6. my girl don't let yur young years passing you by, stop wasting it on someone who doesn't deserve! as far as I am concerned your current boyfriend is a cock block, prevent you from getting someone who really wants a future with you and wants to settle down!

    (11)(1)

  7. Set relationship goals. Find out his, and move on from there.
    At the end of the day, it's not just about him, or you, it's compromise.
    All the best on your journey.

    (7)(2)

  8. In relationships we should always do what works for us, rather than mimic all that others are doing. Eight years with a man should not be an issue. What should be an issue is the expectations. People should not be forced into marriage simply because society says it is what the norm. If he does not want to get married that does not mean that he is not committed to you. I know quite a few people who have said to me that after the wedding they made a mistake. If you two are not on the same page because of expectation then that is where you discuss and see if you or he can compromise. so sometimes not being married works for a relationship and marriage is not for all.

    (14)(1)

  9. Maybe he's not ready yet or maybe she's pushing him too much. Sometimes women don't take time to speak to their boyfriend about those things and then they use the excuse that we have been together for soo many years, so lets get married.

    (3)(1)

  10. Girlfriend there is no need to be depressed don't look at the negatives of the relationship but the positive's. You have a good brother run wit that, a strong relationship build upon that. The things you want are not destined for everyone, you might be protecting your heart and sanity without your knowledge (in the long run). And if thing's should turn sour one day it's a win-win situation hun nothing to lose, and you maintained your dignity. So live in the "now" and luv-up your man like there's no tomorrow!✊

    (7)(4)

  11. Lol same boat! I hope it's not the same man! Lmao!!!!
    But seriously mate eh ready yet! When u Check yourself he will leave you and marry somebody else.

    (9)(4)

  12. Marriage? For you'll to take mun half after we barely even have half to give...A ring proves nothing,woman just like drama & show off to show friends they have ring...if I ever do get married then prenup involved because if we split I'm not sharing not even 5cents.

    (3)(17)

  13. My girl the man either has commitment issues or u did something before to make him realise he doesn't want to marry you. I suggest u stop harassing him with this marriage child n house stories because as man I am thinking "wah we eh even married yet an she harassing me so much if she think we getting married she mad". Men hate this topic try asking it between sex u might get a answer u wanna hear. It may be a lie but it's a start

    (9)(2)

  14. After 8 years he does not even show interest in marriage a home or family. This seems quite odd. After such an extended period of time you'd think he would be ready to do such. My dear I don't want to say you are wasting your time, but after 8 years, the natural progression in a normal/traditional or should I say healthy relationship, is marriage&family. Like willie said back off and monitor him to see, and if no change, move on. Relationships are about shared commitments, goals, values, joys and clearly this is not balanced, you're unhappy bout the situation and imbalance is never good, balance is what works. All the best gun.

    (15)(2)

  15. No worries sweetie. We're in the same boat. Same 8 yrs, same reaction to the marriage, house and child issue , same thoughts as you. Very depressing

    (9)(1)

    • I guess there are more of us in this situation. What is it with the men these days; they're too laid back, the thing is we're already doing everything a wife does so in the end they wouldn't bother themselves they've gotten too comfortable. Hence my reason for cutting back on these things. We're good enough to have sex with and to take care of them but not good enough to put a ring on it!!!!

      (18)(0)

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