Dear Willie: I’ve been dating this girl for over four years now and things were great. We have a one-year-old child and things were going the way they should be. As of late, things have taken a turn. I found out that she was seeing this other guy.
I found out the worst way possible. He came to a family gathering and that’s when it took a toll on me. An entire drama rose and I came close to killing this guy. Knowing that I have a kid and I’m living for him that’s what stopped me. Weeks passed and the matter was resolved.
We worked it out the best we can. But deep inside I’m insecure about her, and every time I see her I still see her with the guy.
How do I resolve or fully accept this situation?
Dear Sir: You have not provided some details I would’ve loved to know such as: how was she seeing this guy? Have they had sex? You said you found out the worst way possible? Worst way how? Did you find them kissing, having sex or did you see messages?
You said he came to a family gathering. Did you find out she was seeing him before, afrer or after the family gathering?
If I knew a bit more I could tell whether you are generally insecure or if you have reasons not to trust her.
If she did cheat on you, then you do not trust her anymore. You said the matter was resolved. How was it resolved? Did she assure you that she will stop seeing the guy?
I am afraid that whatever happened between her and the guy has had an irreversible effect on you, especially if it was sexual. Have you found out why she cheated?
When trust is ruined, it is most times difficult to regain. It could take years or months before you get over this.
I suggest you speak to her about your feelings. Yes, the matter is resolved as you said, but you may have more questions for her and you may need more assurances. You need to find out why she cheated if you haven’t asked her that as yet.
I applaud you for keeping your temper in check. Never let it escalates because not only will you lose your freedom and reputation but this will further push her away into the arms of someone else. You cannot fight fire with fire.
In the meantime, chin up. In the long run, if you cannot trust her anymore, it would be best to move on. There are many people out there willing to be faithful.
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