Dear Willie: His family hates me

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Dear Willie: His family hates me

Dear Willie: I have been in a relationship with this guy for two years now. Everything was going fine until he introduced me to his family who hates me.

As you might imagine, things are not the same with us anymore. We are still together but he seem a bit distant from me now. I have not done anything to his family. I have only met most of them once and they already have this perception about me in their minds only because I’m not an outspoken person.

Even those from the family who have not met me don’t like me also and I know they don’t like me and have nothing to do with me because he told me so himself. His family claims that they don’t want me around their house.

When we go out and they are around he leaves me in the vehicle because he doesn’t want them to know that we are still together. He is not a child and I think he should stand up to his family and make decisions on his own.

I don’t know where we stand because I believe if they ask him to leave me he will just leave. What should I do?

Dear Miss:

What impression did you give on your first ever meeting with your boyfriend’s family? I find it strange that ALL his family members hate or dislike you because you’re not outspoken. There must be other reasons.

I know it is possible for family members to not dislike the person whom their relative is dating but this is odd that, as you stated, everyone in his family dislikes you.

I cannot really advise you on the family part because you cannot force anyone to like or love you.

I can however advise on the boyfriend’s reaction based on the limited information I have received.

As you rightly said, your boyfriend should not be afraid to love you and stand up for you regardless of his family’s position.

I know family comes first but he should be mature enough to follow his heart.

You should have a heart to heart meeting with your boyfriend, let him know your concerns and be frank. Tell him you realize both of you have grown apart and that he seems to be influenced by what his family thinks of you. Also, let him know that he needs to decide whether he is going to stand up for you or not and that you want to know if he still wants to be with you.

If he is not willing to put this behind and put you first then you don’t need a child in your life. You need a real man who loves you regardless of what his family thinks or not.

I know some people will say that once the family hates you, it won’t work. But this situation is basically about you and your boyfriend. You’re not dating the family. It’s his response to the situation that can make or break the relationship. You cannot be in a relationship and do not know where you stand.

Just do what I say if you haven’t yet done so. All the best.

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Dear Willie is published every Friday exclusively on this site. The responses by this column are the opinion of the author of Dear Willie and are not to be thought of as counseling or advice. The opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Dr. Willie and Andrews Media Services Corp/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user or any third party associated with the user.

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25 COMMENTS

  1. I disagree about people talking about other girls past to the family. I've been with my boyfriend almost a year now and he has the most judgmental family ever. His eldest sister mostly, she hates me, and every other girlfriends that her brothers have. She will act nice to my face then be a complete bitch behind your back. I'm pretty close with his 6 year old baby sister and she loves me, she also tells me everything her family says about me. Tonight I went to the shops and she came alone and I brought her a lollipop like I always do when she comes to the shop with me, his eldest sister hating me has been doing everything to turn people against me. So she told his 6 year old sister to tell his nan stuff that wasn't true that I only take her to the shops and buy her stuff so she tells me stuff people say abou me, which I would never do. I would never use a little girl like that to be my little secret messenger. And I got yelled at my his nan for talking all this shit to a 6 year old that got me completely upset because it is not one bit true but who's gong to beleive me? They're obviously going to beleive there own family over a girl. I don't know what his sister has against me. I'm a nice kind hearted gentle person , I never say a mean word about anyone. I'm very quiet and like to keep to myself but I am not rude, I am always polite to everyone, whether I hate them or not. I just don't get it? I haven't done anything wrong and it's breaking my heart.

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  2. You are going out with him and not his family remember that. You say you were introduced to the family after two years together and I suspect the reason for this is because it the same old story with every girl he brings home - whether he waited one day or one year it would make no difference. You need to decide whether it is worth continuing in a relationship where your guy lacks back bone and conviction. I think after an open and frank discussion about going forward, don't wait for him to decide but move on if he is procrastinating - the boowoe!!! After all there are lots of great guys out there so don't stay with a mummy's boy.

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  3. the other thing: some families think that they are above everybody. they might think u below their standards and dislike.

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  4. I agree with some of the comments that you might have a not so pleasant past but the way I see it, you don't need to do nothing to some families for them to hate you. the reason for this is: if the boyfriend was always contributing money and then u come along as a girlfriend, they figure u will get the money and not them. the second reason: they might be jealous ppl and just hate on u for no reason. the third reason: if the family consist of more women : women tend to hate for no reason, especially if u are beautiful , intelligent and respect urself. But I strongly believe that your boyfriend needs to stand up for u> BE a MAN. its his choice who he wants to be with. A man suppose to leave his mother and father house and find his own family. If he cannot be a man , let him be with his family.

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  5. Its possible one person can be jealous of u in the family n say tings to mk everybody hate u and worst ting wen u eh sittin together wit them they will hate bcus I have been there

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  6. YOU SAID HE SHOULD MAKE HIS OWN DECISION , WHAT ABOUT YOU ? IF YOU HAVE NOTICED CHANGES ABOUT HIM BECAUSE OF HIS FAMILY I THINK IT'S TIME YOU MAKE A DECISION AND GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP. IF HE IS ASHAMED FOR HIS FAMILY TO SEE HIM WITH YOU ,YOU SHOULDN'T BE WITH HIM . SO MAKE UP YOUR MIND AND GET HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE

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  7. Why are all these posts from women?...
    Anyway that's a sad situation to be in, but if he's ashamed of being with you when it comes to the people that matter to him the most, this is a red flag. If he truly cares about you and wants to be with you for the long run, he should man up. Of course it's easier said than done, but hiding you is ridiculous. It's normal for their opinions to matter to him, but you are important as well and deserve RESPECT. This is not very respectable. I think it's time the two of you have an open , honest talk about the whole situation. The key to good relationship is COMMUNICATION. Try it out. Most likely if he mans up and they see how much he truly cares for you and you love him, their hearts will soften as they realise they were wrong for "hating" you in the first place.

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  8. It's easier said than done when people want to cut ties with their girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife's family and figure that it's nobody else's business but theirs and their spouse or partner's. That's not the reality. When God said to leave and cleave, He was speaking in terms of who takes priority - not encouraging people to stop communicating or having anything to do with their family. If the two people want to get married and have a family later, they have to think of implications when one partner's family is not accepting of the other individual - that can cause serious rifts in families and a lot of bitterness and fighting can ensue. Children hold things against their grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins... mess up ripple effect. And St. Lucia really is a small place. So basically, my advice to the young lady is... If your partner's family does not accept you and you have tried your very best to get in their good books, that relationship cannot continue - especially if your partner DOES NOT stand up to his family. It would simply mean, that you are NOT his priority - his family is priority above you... and no person in a relationship should settle for that.

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  9. The bible say a man will live him mother and father and cling to his wife. If he loves her and intend to keep the relationship long term then honestly wat the family think or believe should not impact the relationship

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  10. Seems like there is way more to this story. Your boyfriend should stick up for you. IF you haven't done anything. If no, you guys will never be happy.

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  11. hmmmm girl maybe you did something maybe you didnt do anything...people are soooo funny it's not funny.....best thing right now is to fix what's going on between you and your guy, family involved no family involved

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  12. all the family members have not met me, but the mother has n because she does not like me she turned the whole family against me without they themselves getting to know me. i hv not done anything wrong to any of them, i guess keeping to myself got me into this situation, cuz when the mother first met me she liked me or she played like she did but as time went by i realized she starting turning on me.

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    • I had a boyfriend like that when I was younger...believe me, men who still so tied to their mother's opinion, will never be a real man. Just be what you are and look for a real man with a loving family...believe me, there is someone like that waiting for you!

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      • There are mothers who hate all girls around their beloved little boy...that also can be part of that hatred.But let it be their problem and not yours anymore.

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    • hmmm....sounds like something i read on my Facebook page......GIRL seems like your not to distant PASS is catching up!

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  13. This is not the first time i have seen relationships like this and if they make the mistake and stay together, they will never be happy. Every man or woman in any relationship wants to be able to be with the family especialy if they have a bond with the family, when he goes o visit the family and she is not there nor he is not there neither of them will be happy. I have had that same problem in other familes and although they got married they were not happy because they were not accepted. Visiting has always been a problem the best thing would be to end it now.

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  14. There are are usually three versions to every story. Your version, my version and the truth. This version is quite possibly the cherry picked facts and is devoid of any substantive detail, logic or reasoning. It is merely the emotional reaction of an individual who believes she has been wronged - and she may well have been wronged, but she does not seem to trust us with the details that would better enable sage advice. And when she begins to speak in absolutes (e.g. EVERY family member hates me) then my last red flag goes up. Come clean and be open to advice from frank, caring, and genuine persons. And this may not be the place to find either.

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  15. I think if everybody hates her she must have a very dirty past. There are a lot of skeletons in her closet.

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  16. I think if everybody hates he she probably has a lot of nasty history. Everybody cannot hate you at first glance. There are skeletons in her closet.

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  17. i think she should speak to her man because this ridicoulous game of hiding you is childish and also meet with the family again maybe they misunderstood her....whatever impression they got that is.....no one knows exactly what happened when they first met

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    • Sometimes because you are not outspoken they tend to look at it like you are not a nice person. If I am a quiet reserved person why should I changed that because of my boyfriend's family. They have to accept you for who you are.

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