Boyfriend calls me an obsessed b#@* because he’s caught cheating on Facebook

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Boyfriend calls me an obsessed b#@* because he’s caught cheating on Facebook

Dear Dr. Cindy: My boyfriend is a liar. Last week I saw a conversation between him and a girl on Facebook chat.

She asked him if he has a girlfriend and he said no. I asked him what the hell is going on. His response is that he is only testing the girl. Bull**&t! Since that time he has changed his FB password and does not log on when am around. I asked him about that too and he says he is bored of Facebook, yet when I check the history of the browser mister on FB every minute when am not around.

I told him about this and he gets upset that I am policing him and wants out of the relationship. He says nothing is wrong talking to a girl on Facebook. But I told him cheating is cheating and it can take place orally too. He calls me an obsessed b** and wants to break up.

People told me they’ve seen him out with this same girl and he denies it.

Dr. Cindy what should I do?

Dear Concerned about Facebook:

 

It would appear from your perspective that your boyfriend is a liar based on what you have presented.

The fact that he indicated to another girl that he does not have a girlfriend leads to the question of his commitment to you and the relationship. It seems as if you have two options, the first, continue with the relationship in the way that it is going now where he appears to be cheating and lying, or second, resolve the relationship with him.

The question here is, can you continue to live under these conditions and terms of the current relationship, as it appears as if it will not change, as from your reports, your boyfriend does not feel as if he is doing anything wrong.  If someone does not feel as if they are doing something wrong, then change is not a consideration for them.

Your second option of ending the relationship will resolve the apparent difficulties you are having in the current relationship. You stated that your boyfriend wants to break up, but, do you want to break up?

My suggestion is to talk to him openly and honestly about how his actions have been affecting you. Share with him your apparent desire for monogamy and the importance of this to you. See if you can calmly and rationally discuss the situation with minimal blaming what the relationship means to both of you, where it is now, and where you would like it to go.

Basically, see if you are on the same page. If not, I suggest considering your options and making the decision that is best for you. Be honest with yourself and him.

Ensure, however, that you are prepared for the consequences and/or answers that may come from the discussion.

Best Wishes,
Dr. Cindy

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17 COMMENTS

  1. I gave my husband space for 24 yrs dont tell me about space or that i smothered him.And what did he do with it.... he cheated on me on fb so you men who think you have the answers dont really have a clue evidently!

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  2. @ Jesus saves"...Is ppl like yourll that does be crying in yourll room or have yourll mouth stretch long if yourll trying to call yourll BF/husband & he doesn't pick up MAYBE because his phone battery died or he's stranded somewhere.You are the type to look for every little thing to argue about or quick to say "we need to have a TALK".Nosey women can never last in a relationship because they are constantly on the hunt for the next argument.

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  3. Well R.A if its all in good humour I will think nothing of it.Ppl take relationships a little to hard core,some women need to free up a little.Thats why some men ask for an open relationship sometimes,therefore I do my ting & you do your ting.

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  4. If your a good boyfriend you won't make a sexual joke like that to another female, you wouldn't like it if you saw a tex on your woman's phone saying to a man wow I see your ting looking nice and thick, I'm sure you wouldn't like to see that in your go phone,

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    • I agree R.A. He would not like to see a text from another man saying to his girlfriend 'I see your ting looking big and fat in dem pants boy'.

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  5. Dr.Cindy what conditions might that be she is living under? The guy said he was just testing the girl.He changed his password for security reasons.She still had the nerve to ask him why he hasn't been on FB & he told her it was too boring,She was nosey enough to go into the computer's history to try to look for something to get to argue about.It is obvious the young guy tried to resolve this situation quite easily but the girl continued in harassing & looking for stuff to pick an argument over.I agree with him for attempting to leave the relationship.Nosey women are the worst.You have to go with your cellphone when taking a shower,hiding your phone in your car because of these nosey women.You can't have a female friend with women like these.

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    • nosey women? why would you want to enter the shower with your phone, or hide your phone in the car? do you have something to hide? a man is allowed to have female friends but just know that there should be boundaries as to what you can and cannot say and do....

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      • Whatever happened to the Good Old Days when women were SUPPOSED to be seen & not heard?..Nowadays women arguing all over the place for MAN & all sorts of petty stuff...As a man you bring your phone with you because the moment you turn your back,a NOSEY woman will attempt to peep at it & just incase you cracked a lil joke with a female friend they will take it serious & start something.eg(you see a female friend in town & later on you text her to say "Yea boy I see de ting getting fat dem days in dem tights you had on).Nosey sees that & it's on all night,when it's just lil jokes.

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        • Little jokes my foot. 'Yea boy I see de ting getting fat dem days in dem tights you had on'. Is that something you tell another female when you are supposed to have a girlfriend? What sort of disrespect is that? That's just not right to talk to another woman that way when you are in a relationship. We need to know where to draw the line. We need to treat others the way we want to be treated.

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        • its children should be seen and not heard not women idiot. in an age of who know what kind of disease women have a right to know what "their man" is doing for he is messing with their health

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  6. Coco....just dont take that guy on. He's an idiot and how can you let a man disrepect you by calling you a b&*()? If he was a decent man, worthy of your love he wouldn't curse you out. Forget the Facebook messages, why arent you outraged that he could talk to you in such a manner. Maybe you need to love yourself a little more before you can think of loving anyone else.

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  7. ohhh girl friend he get mad dont worry you know what you know one cant play the dam game i sure i wud give him more things to be mad about cause inorder to be respected you must first respect others these niggas never doing shit its always a denying thing, hun play the game and play it right i would not even confont him as soon as i see it i would make sure i have plan way ahead but his doing you the greatest favour breaking up hahahaha take that as a step and thank him at least no more head ache for you no dam lier giving stories 🙂

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  8. Leave ASAP, you know that you should as well ! With all the information you have on him you know what the future holds, you deserve so much better a man who will not deregaurd you when your not around and if people see him with her what more advice do you need. Be safe use a condum you wouldn't want to cath any thing

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  9. If it was your husband I would not advise you to leave but try to work it out but if it's a boyfriend, no use sticking around. Run girl run! He is a cheat whether on Facebook or not. We women sometimes take too much crap from men. That's the early signs. Leave as fast as you can and ask God to send you someone holy. Preserve yourself for a man of God.

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      • ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER AND MOST OF THEM WILL CONTINUE AND TO LIE AND CHEAT. SO IF HE NOT SERIOUSLY READY FOR YOUR COMMITMENT, ASK HIM SINCERELY AND OPENLY AND LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU ARE GIVING HIM SOME SPACE. THEN CUT YOUR LOSSES AND MOVE ON. THOUGH YOU MIGHT LOVE THIS GUY AND IT'S NOT AN EASY THING BREAKING UP BUT YOU HAVE TO STAND YOUR GROUND. HE HAS BREACH YOUR TRUST AND HE HAS ESTABLISH A PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR THAT LEADS TO CHEATING AND LIES AND HE IS NOT READY TO ADMIT THE TRUTH AND WORK OUT THIS RELATIONSHIP.

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