Dear Bella: I am 21. I feel I am ready to have a child as it is my intention to further my education next year September and acquire my Bachelors degree in Jamaica. I do not have a fixed partner/boyfriend because I feel having a full time guy is too big of a responsibility for me at this time as I am focusing on myself.
There is this guy who is 24 that I normally have sex with. He is one of my two sexual partners. He is single but already has three kids whom he cannot maintain at his best since he is unemployed. I want to have a child with him because I think the child will be conceived with love. I am independent and my main source of income has been myself for a number of years now as I started working from the age of 16.
When I move to Jamaica to further my education, I don’t want to stop and think about making kids. I just want to continue to work on my career and everything. I am currently employed with a decent job but I have been doing the same thing for too long. I want to take the next step in life and by that I mean take a chance.
My mom thinks it’s too much of a risk and I should not think about a child right now. If you are now thinking what will I do with the child I have arranged to leave the child with my siblings in particular my sister, who have agreed under compensation terms.
What do you think I should do?
Thinking deep.
Dear Thinking deep,
While I commend you for having such a level head in knowing what you want and actually having plans to see it materialize, your decision to have a child in this plan is not fitting.
It’s not because you want to have a child early you should irrationally try to get pregnant and not think about the drawbacks that will come along with it. I do not encourage you to just drop an infant on your siblings and go off to Jamaica to study. A child needs the love and care of his mother as often as possible at an early age. It is so valuable when a child is nurtured and reared by both parents, and although you are assertive with your independence there are times you will want a steady male figure in the child’s life.
Work on your career as planned, pursue your studies and just be patient because you have not experienced motherhood and the thought of it right now is a mere desire, which you have not properly thought of the disadvantages behind. You are young, independent and sound like you have a good head on your shoulders from your determination to pursue higher education, and having a child at this critical moment can even hinder you from achieving your aspirations sooner than you like. Another thing if it is still your wish to have a child after pursuing studies please reconsider your choice of having it with an unemployed 24-year-old with three kids.
Bella.
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